Akane and Ranma Fanfic -The Fight of Personal Destruction-
by ManBearPigIsReal
Summary: Ranma needs to learn another new technique. He plans a trip to the mountains to learn, but he decides that instead of Akane he is going to take Ukyo instead. Just like the last time he needed to learn a critical technique. This devastates Akane that he is going to leave her behind for Ukyo again. Akane decides that she's gonna have a trip of her own, excepts it goes all wrong.
1. Chapter 1

Ranma needs to learn another new technique and decides he has to go up into an isolated forest to do so. He decides once again that instead of Akane - he is going to take Ukyo. This devastates Akane that he is going to leave her behind for Ukyo, again. The plan was he'd be gone a little over a month. Akane decides that she's going to have a little trip of her own, except it goes horribly wrong. Akane comes back changed forever. How will Ranma and Akane's relationship play out from here?

Akane:

"Listen, Akane I need to train and I don't want any crazy distractions. Last time when you traveled all the way up there all you did was cause havoc. Ukyo also can feed me without poisoning me! She won't beat the snot out of me every 5 seconds either. Hell! You're mad even right now. I think it would be good for us to have a little breather from each other anyway." Ranma says to me in an angry, but desperate tone. I was so mad I could've pounded him into a pancake. I am his fiancée and yet he chooses to go with Ukyo instead of me. "Ranma I only get furious with you when you're being a jerk and or your fiancés are slobbering all over you. If Ukyo wasn't along it would be fine! I am fine cook I just need a bit more practice!" I retort. Ranma lets out an exhausted-sounding laugh and says "Akane, you need a LOT more practice with cooking. I must be a jerk all the time because all you're ever doing is throwing things and hitting me". Heated fury is rushing through my veins like I'm in a warzone and I've just run into the enemy. I pick up the closest object to me which happens to be a telephone and whip it at his big stupid head. Ranma just steps to the side and dodges it. "How very original of you Akane" he spits out in clear frustration. "Whatever just go. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO ANYMORE!" I yell at him with all my might.

In my subconscious I know this isn't helping. That if anything I should be calm and reasonably let him go. He's not mine, our marriage is arranged. Oddly enough both my dad and Genma want Ukyo to go with him as well. They want Ranma to master a new special technique because apparently there is a new threat in the martial arts world that may try to take the dojo. So at the moment they want Ranma to go with Ukyo because she's less likely to poison him with her cooking and more calm. So no one is siding with me and I'm alone... with my jealousy. Ranma has a look on his face of real irritation. Recently our fights have been more frequent. I'm always mad at him and I know why I am too. I am in love with him. My heart hurts just when I look at him because even though we are arranged to marry... he is so far away. Him not being mine and never reciprocating any sort of flirtatious advances from me makes my jealousy out of control. All Ranma says before he walks out of the room is "Thank god, now I can actually breath without receiving a beating"

I stand for a second and then walk to my room. Ranma & Ukyo will be leaving in the early morning. Because of this she will be spending the night at my home. I grumble to myself that I won't wake up to say goodbye to such a jerk. I feel a deep horrible envy of Ukyo and a heated pain of sorrow at being the "other" fiancé. I honestly wish I had never met Ranma because heartache was worse than any punch I had ever taken. I could hear Ukyo and Ranma talking from my bedroom window. "Sounds like Akane really isn't taking the news well that I'm going and she won't be", Ukyo says. I want to hate Ukyo but she is dainty with her words. Ukyo was no evil villain like Shampoo. I only envied the closeness Ranma & Ukyo shared. It didn't make me hate Ukyo. "When does she take anything well. Could tell her she's fantastic and she'd find a way to get mad! I need to leave... can we go to your shop? I'll lose my mind if I stay a minute longer" Ranma says and then Ukyo quickly responds with "Of course". I really regret hearing what he said. I don't look out the window to see them walk away for fear of one of them seeing me watching. I would cry, but it seemed likely I'd be caught since my whole family heard Ranma and my fight. So they're probably all intently listening especially Nabiki trying to find some way to blackmail me. Since it's the summer vacation I don't have any homework to distract myself with, so I decide to get an old textbook and do practice math problems for a couple hours. Math required concentration to figure out a problem so my mind wouldn't wander on unwanted thoughts.

Ranma didn't come back until dinner time. Ukyo was with him and they were both sitting at the table with my family eating. I walked over to my spot and sat down. I had a particularly difficult math equation written down on a piece of paper. I needed to figure out how to format the word problem and was hitting some roadblocks in my head. So while I ate I would try out tons of different equations to see if I could find the one that fit. I could feel glances from everyone at the table, as I sat there scribbling and sighing in frustration when I failed. "What are you doing Akane?" my father asked. Nabiki didn't give me a chance to reply before she added an answer that she knew would rub me the wrong way "She's probably writing a love letter to Ranma" her tone was incredibly coy. Usually either two things would happen 1. I'd blush and get mad 2. I'd just get mad. Thank god for math though because even though I heard her say those words it didn't register. I just rubbed my forehead and squinted my eyes at the ridiculous issue below. Then Ranma spoke "If anything she's just writing 100 different ways to kill me. Seriously, Akane what are you doing?"

The fact that he was talking to me made me feel relieved. His voice melted my insides with an almost desperate want for him. I was afraid of losing the resolve of calmness I kind of had at the moment. "Just a difficult math problem is all" I had responded curter than I had wanted to, but I was happy I didn't burst into tears and or throw him through the wall. I could feel the blank stare he was giving me and then he said "Well at least you're not throwing everything around, who does math when school's out?!" I never took my eyes off the problem. I was terrified of even looking at Ranma. I was afraid that every bit of what I try so hard hide would be written across my face. I desperately didn't want to lose my temper all the time. My jealousy was incredibly hard to control and I knew that was no excuse for my behavior. Ranma could never love me when I treated him like a punching bag and the house as my jungle gym. I wanted to respond to Ranma. I wanted to be friendly and sweet so before he left... the name Akane wouldn't give him a bitter taste in his mouth. I just couldn't manage to put any words together. So I just kept rubbing my jaw while staring directly down at the problem. I had lost my focus though and was now completely aware of my surroundings. Nabiki began to speak "Guess she's giving you the silent treatment after that comment" without missing a beat Ranma grumbled out "Seriously Akane you're mad at me again?" before I even had a chance to think my mouth took a mind of its own "What makes you think I ever stopped being angry?". I could've kicked myself! You have one job Akane Tendo control yourself... that's it! I chastised in my head. I didn't move though and my voice had come out cool and calm. Still I regretted it terribly. How can I love someone so much and yet do nothing, but make them miserable? Ukyo then had to speak... and be the sensible one that I desperately wanted to be "Ranma, it's the day before we leave let's all just play nice" he responded with very obvious anger "Play nice? Are you kidding me? Akane is always the one who blows everything out of proportion! I'm tired of everybody just blaming me. I always have to apologize first when Akane gives into a fit rage!" then he looks at me "Akane, you know you are like family to me! Can you just let this go!? Hell I'm doing this to fight for your dojo!" My soul began getting that familiar feeling of being on fire. All I want within that second is to smash his face against the table. How can he have no idea how much this would hurt someone? How can he not see that him leaving to go on another trip with Ukyo would hurt me? Logic is swimming in the back of my mind whispering to me to calm down. That Ranma is making sense, that all I should I do is apologize. I even know I have been acting poorly. All I'd have to do is admit this to Ranma and say I was sorry. If I was just a little more honest about my feelings would our relationship be as broken as it is now? The fire in my soul is too hot though, burning any bit of logic away. "RANMA, Shut up! I don't care what you do! Don't talk to me! Do whatever the hell you want! I want to help with my family's dojo, but instead I'm pushed aside and you and some outsider have the fate of the dojo in your hands! How do you think that makes me feel as a martial artist?! Go have fun with your little girlfriend! See if I care!" I slam my hands down onto the table shaking all the dishes, stand up and walk out before anyone has a chance to say anything. Then I slam my bedroom door as though I am a small child...

My stomach growls and I instantly remember I didn't eat much of anything. I rub my forehead in frustration. I lay down on my bed and put my arm over my eyes. I lay in silence distracting my mind from the events of the day. I think of nothing but the red dots I see on the back of my eyelids. It felt like I'd been laying like that for hours, when I hear a light tap at the door. I sit up I walk to the door and open it. Ranma stands at the door looking at me. His expression completely unreadable "Akane, Ukyo was going to sleep in your room tonight is that still okay?" I respond blandly "Yes...that's fine" I watch him slightly bite his lip... His eyes betray him by looking at me as though he desperately wants to say something. Then Ukyo comes ramping up those stairs. Before I know it she is by my bedroom door with her sleeping materials. I look back to Ranma and the look he had just been wearing was gone replaced by a look of ease. "Ahh Ukyo, Akane says you can still sleep in her room." Ranma says. Ukyo looks over to me and politely smiles "Thank you Akane". I step aside to let her into my room. She gladly takes the opportunity. When I turn back to maybe get a second chance at reconciliation with Ranma he is gone. A dark coldness fills my heart and I hear my inner self whisper "He doesn't love you Akane Tendo...not like you love him" I swear I could hear the shattering of my insides and the freezing of the blood in my veins, at what felt like a realization. Almost uncontrollably I mutter "I hate you Ranma Saotome".

I slid into bed

Closed my eyes

And begged for sleep.

When I awoke it was almost 8:30 am. I felt a sadness creep across my skin knowing that Ranma and Ukyo had already left. I expected Ranma to still say goodbye to me even after all the fighting. Ranma always tried to fix everything even with people he didn't necessarily like. "That's saying something...he didn't try to fix anything with you Akane" I hear my inner self say. I slowly lumber into the bathroom and take a bath. Where I finally let loose and silently cry till my brain thumps and aches with pain from the congestion of my snotty nose. I look in the mirror and say to myself that Akane Tendo is strong! I lean against the wall with a towel wrapped around me and I just let my mind wander all over the place. I begin to think of how much I don't want to be here when Ranma comes back. I don't want to be expected to be warm and welcoming. That I want to be gone when he comes back. "Why? Do you want him to miss you? Yearn for you... like you do him?" Inner Akane says. I rub my head to soothe the ever increasing headache pain. "I don't know", I say out loud as an answer to my inner thoughts.

It doesn't matter though whatever the subconscious reason I have. All I know is I am going to leave. So I sit in the bathroom and formulate a plan. That I will leave two days before Ranma is scheduled to get back and I'll be gone for an about a week or so. I don't want to make my family worry for my safety so I decide I will buy a ticket to a hot spring and say I won it in a raffle. I'll tell them I won more than one and that I am going with my school friends. Really I just want to be alone so in reality I'll go to the hot spring resort by myself. I'll have to say I won it in a raffle so they won't make such a fuss about me leaving right before Ranma comes home. I walk to my room and get dressed. I just have to be convincing that I am not bothered by Ranma's absence. I go down for breakfast and sit with my family and make small talk while watching morning programs. Nobody says much of anything. Thoughts of Ukyo and Ranma hanging together laughing, talking, and enjoying each other's company creep into my thoughts. I go into the bathroom and splash my face with cold water. "This is going to be a long month", I say quietly out loud to myself.

4 Days till Ranma's Arrival Day

The month went by painfully slow. Almost every day something would remind me of Ranma.

Everyone seemed so excited for Ranma to come back. Shampoo & Kodachi were planning on making lots of food. A welcome home party was being planned. Ukyo had written a letter saying that Ranma was practically finished learning all the new moves he needed and they would most likely make it home on time as had been planned. The letter was very chipper, which gave me the feeling they must have had a good time together. I had purchased my hot spring resort ticket and tonight at dinner was when I was going to tell my family. I was nervous because I knew that my words were covered in lies. There is no honor in lying, but I just had to get away. I didn't want to be a part of the party. Watch all the fiancés hang on Ranma, while I sit back on fire with jealousy. My pride crushing my will to be affectionate too. Time passed by quickly and before I knew it Kasumi was calling me down for dinner. I walked slowly...ticket in hand...running my dishonest words through my head. My hands shaking... "God, you're a terrible liar Akane how are you going to pull this off," said my inner self. I have to do this! I have to leave I need to run away from welcoming him home... I am a coward...!

I reach the dinner table; everyone was sitting down. I tried to pull off the happiest voice I can. "Guess what!? I won a raffle!"

Kasumi with her soft spoken voice says "Oh? What did you win Akane?" "I won a trip to the Khwãm Ngãm hot springs resort!" I practically yell in response trying my best to replicate excitement. "Akane, that is wonderful. How many people can go with you?" Genma asks. "I can only bring one other person" I answer. Before I get a chance to say more Nabiki adds some commentary "Ooolala what she really means to say is she's planning on taking Ranma. How long is this little romantic trip?" before I get a chance to respond Genma and my father began bouncing around happily. "Oh a trip alone for the two of you is a fantastic idea Akane!" my father says as though he is describing a wonderful fantasy. "No, no, no I won these tickets a while ago & I already asked a friend of mine to go with me. I have to leave in 2 days' time... I know this is short notice, but I was procrastinating telling you in fear of you telling me I can't go. Since I won't be here when Ranma gets back..." Nabiki looks plenty surprised and says "You want to leave right before Ranma's welcome home party?" Her voice clearly has an edge of suspicion in it.

I can see in her eyes that the gears in her brain are turning. She's trying to figure out if there is more to the story than what I am saying. So I decided to be slightly genuine in my words to make my acting more realistic. "I have greatly missed Ranma and I would like to be here, but there will be plenty of people here for him. I'm only going to be gone for a week or so, I'll give him a great big welcome home hug when I return. Please let me go, this is a really high-end resort!" It's clear that my dad and Genma are not happy with me by their expressions. But then... My dad looks at Genma and says "Might as well let her go or she'll be angry and miserable the whole time. We'll just have to explain to Ranma what happened. (Turns to me) So yes...Akane you can go." Overwhelming relief floods through me and in my elated happiness I slapped my hands together and gave a very low bow. "Thank you so much daddy!" Before anyone can change their minds or make any other side comments I rush out of the room to begin packing. I was so happy that I was escaping a humiliation that was bound to occur at Ranma's party. I wouldn't have my whole family watching my every move and giving me advice on how to be a loving "welcome home" fiancé. Their constant pressure along with the constant fiancé competition, that would surely be there, would just make me angry and miserable. Probably ending up in a Ranma beating or me crying. Both of which I wanted to avoid.

I searched my room for my most attractive clothing items and figure fitting swimsuit and packed my suitcase. I wanted to feel pretty and desirable on this small vacation. I needed to boost my confidence and I felt that strutting around on a break from my family might just give me that. I felt so happy I could barely contain from screaming. This would be a long two days until I could depart.

-Departure Day-

I woke up feeling great, it was the same kind of feeling I got when I was missing a day of school. I was filled with glee. I was going to sidestep a moment that was anxiety inducing. I laid in my bed for a while daydreaming Ranma being shocked about my absence. It made me feel all fuzzy on my insides. I had already packed my bags so I really didn't have much to do other than be on time for the subway. I decided to go downstairs and eat something even though it was clear I had missed the breakfast meal with everyone. Kasumi came in and cooked me some of the leftovers. Are you really sure you want to miss Ranma's coming home party? I'm sure he'll be very hurt you're not here. Imagine if you had been away for a while and he wasn't home when you got back? Kasumi said in a comforting like tone. I jumbled a bunch of excuses and made sure for her to pass the message to Ranma that I had missed him but I couldn't pass up this opportunity. From Kasumi's eyes, I could tell she thought I was being incredibly insensitive and really I was. But, I just couldn't bring myself to stay. To me, I would rather be missed than dismissed which I knew would happen if I were to stay. All of his other women surrounding him and slobbering all over him like a bunch of rabid dogs looking for a juicy steak. "Shampoo will definitely use this opportunity to talk some serious slander on you to Ranma because of your absence the day he gets back" I hear Nabiki say from behind me. I can tell from her voice she is trying to figure out my mindset. Why would I ever leave right before Ranma gets back? Especially if the other fiancés would be here for his welcoming home party.

Deep in my mind I knew she was at least somewhat aware that I had some sort of feelings for Ranma, but I ignored the idea. Nabiki was the worst person I knew to ever reveal secrets to, so I would continue to deny if it were her asking forever. I answered curtly "Ranma can believe whatever he wants about me I don't care" My brain instantly made me think Ranma was right behind me or somehow KNEW I said that and he was about to leap out to say something hurtful in response, but nothing came. Probably because it had happened so many times previously I was now paranoid. Nabiki responded with a creepy slowness as though she had figured me all out or had just read my mind and knew my whole plan "Uh huh… I see" she then gave a small wicked smile that sent chills down my spine. Why did I get stuck with a sister like that…? Time passed slowly with my anticipation to leave. Though the hour to leave finally arrived. My family gave me hugs and wished me a safe trip. I rushed to the subway in fear that somehow I would end up late. I gave my ticket and found myself a seat near a window. As I sat there doubt crept into my head… was it really a good idea to have left? What if I actually did really hurt Ranma? Or somehow that very night Ukyo convinces him that she would make a far better wife to him than the absent Akane Tendo. That this decision could, in turn, obliterate my relationship with Ranma.

The fear was sinking into me like an animal caught in a tar pit. I made an inaudible grunt to alert my subconscious to shut up. It was a trick I came up with many years earlier that anytime my brain started going in a direction I didn't like, that I could make a noise to interrupt my thought process and cease it from continuing. It worked well enough so it was almost a habit. I now would do it without even thinking about it, it always would shut inner Akane up right away. I began to steer my head toward this being a good choice. I daydreamed all different scenarios of Ranma's reactions when he got home. Maybe he wouldn't enjoy the party or the food that all the fiancés made for him. Maybe he'd actually wish for me to have made some horrendous meal for him because he hadn't seen me in so long that it wouldn't even matter how it tasted as long as it had been me who had made it. I really know that was wishful thinking, but it's my own fantasy I could do whatever I wanted with it.

The softness of the subway train lulled me to sleep and I didn't wake until it was my stop. I had almost slept right through it, but I woke up just in time and rushed off. I went into the hotel and gave the clerk my last name. Ahh yes, Sakura will show you to your room he said smoothly. Then a small beautiful woman came over swiftly directing me down a yellow hallway. I was shown a cute Japanese style bedroom. I was brought a fancy red yukata and I loved touching its soft cotton fabric. I laid down for a while debating if I should go to the bath now or not, in the end, I decided I should try it out tonight. It didn't seem like this place had very many customers because as I walked about there wasn't really anyone around. Which creeped me out slightly. I walked out into the big beautiful mixed bath. The whole thing was outdoors and absolutely beautiful! So I leaned slowly into the water with my little towel and let the warm water soothe my skin. I looked at the gorgeous stars and wondered if I could just live right here in this spot forever. Then I heard a light splash noise that gave me a startle from my fantastical daydreams. I turned to the side to see a silver haired boy looking right at me with a big handsome grin "hi" he said almost shyly. I felt very awkward, I only came to the mixed bath because I thought there wouldn't really be anyone out since the hotel seemed so vacant.

So here I was in a tiny towel with this striking boy. "Uhm hello, nice night out huh?" I said trying to not give away the fact that I was feeling uncomfortable. "Oh it's absolutely stunning out tonight, I mean look at those stars. I just want to float up there and stay with them" There was so much emotion in his words it almost felt like I would be swallowed by what he said. It appeared as though it truly was his dream in life to be amongst the stars and I found this to be incredibly touching. He also had a very graceful face, one that made his words sound even more heartwarming. I didn't notice that I was just staring at him until he said: "Am I so pretty that I am distracting you from the sky?" His tone was so farcical that I didn't feel even slightly ashamed at my behavior. I just giggled lightly and apologized for my rudeness. He shrugged it off and said "Well it's okay because I think you're beautiful" then a low blush crossed his face and it caught be so far off guard my jaw literally dropped open. This man looked like a model! I was the girl Ranma always said was built like a brick! A low pang of pain thrummed in my chest at the thought of him saying that. I smiled weakly and said "You are quite a stunning young man and thank you for your compliment, but I have a fiancé. Although he is a major jerk and you wouldn't catch him dead ever giving me a compliment" I didn't mean for my words to become so negative, it appeared that, that was all that ever came out of my mouth anymore. "Ahh, I'm sorry that took a turn for the worst" I floundered trying to make myself not sound like such a moron. His smile never faded though in fact it seemed to get more bright and without missing a beat he said "Oh my, I didn't mean to make you feel like I was coming onto you. I just like to tell the truth. May I ask why you're marrying a man that does not tell you what a beauty you are?"

I tightened my towel around my body and wasn't sure how to answer that question "Oh well... we are arranged, so I don't really have a choice and neither... does he". His smile faded slightly "Hm, I see...well is he with you tonight?". "Ahh no he isn't with me I came here alone to get away from everything" and boom just like that his smile was back. "Oh well, that's good. Personally, I don't agree with arranged marriages I think love marriages are that way to go" his boyish grin was so incredibly charming I just felt so distracted. I couldn't believe someone as pretty as this was giving me such nice attention. A feeling I hadn't felt in a long time and after getting left behind by Ranma and Ukyo... The boy's sweetness was very inviting. "Do you like sage leaf tea?" he asked suddenly "Uhm yeah I do" the boy was kind of random, but it might be because I am acting awkward and making him uncomfortable. "I love making tea would you mind coming to my room just for a moment so I could pour you some? Then we could come back out here" His words were innocent enough and it wasn't like I was going to sleep in his room… Ranma freaking stayed out in the wilderness with another woman for over a month so this wasn't even remotely bad comparatively. "Sure sounds nice. Thank you for the offer" Was my response to his kind invitation. I went back to my room to change into my yukata. He had given me his room number and I didn't want to keep him waiting so I rushed accidentally tearing my yukata slightly. I decided it was a small rip and barely noticeable so I went to his room with no more fuss.

His room was in a red themed hallway and was clearly a more expensive section than where my room was located. When I entered his room I was astonished by the exquisiteness. Every which way I turned I was being enchanted by the passionate colors and heartfelt style of the place. I was transfixed by the unique mix of culture the room was combining. The bed frame was brown and low to the ground like a wealthy Japanese person's bedroom. The bed was sunken into the frame, but that is where the cultural familiarity ended. The rest of the bed frame seemed almost a mismatch of Japanese style and old English vintage. It had four-bed posts which I had seen in magazines but usually held a canopy or curtain. These stuck straight up and held nothing, they also were very far spaced apart and not aligned with the mattress making the whole thing look extremely wide, reminding me of a football goal post. Then the headboard was sloped like the upside down English letter U, with the whole headboard being a mirror. It was also absent of any kind of footboard. The wall right behind the mirror headboard was white but painted with red Japanese lanterns. The most amazing part was the heron…. There was a heron shadow painted amongst the lanterns. The whole bird was black and you couldn't see any distinguishing features other than the obvious body style of a heron. Which made my mind think of it as a heron's shadow.

The way its body was weaved behind the lanterns was enthralling. I felt I was being mesmerized by the remarkable designs that had been crafted together. "Wow, this room is… amazing" I exclaimed breathlessly. I turned around to a sincere smile and his words were covered in what I can't really describe other than euphoria. "I designed this room, and I am very moved by your reaction to my creation". My heart was swelling just by looking at the pure joy on his face. The way this room made me feel was indescribable… my soul was melting and I couldn't believe what a profound effect this room and the young man were having on me. I could feel myself tearing up and heat was rushing to my face in such an emotional rush. "Your art...is exquisite" I choked out. "I love to paint, design, and make tea. I am a romantic to the core. From your body language, it would appear that you are as well." He said while smiling ear to ear with a warmth to it that could replace the sun. I couldn't say anything I was racking my brain for a response but I was blank. My head was captivated by the heron. The plain, bland, shadow heron.. and yet it gave me a deep impression of iniquity. The bird had no eyes and yet it gave off wickedness… I couldn't understand how it was possible to be this moved by art. Never in my life had I been so affected by something like this. Finally, I was coming back to my senses and managed to say "What is it that you do?" His eyes were dazed as though his own art was having the same effect on him that it was on me. "Ahh, I am an artist or more like an interior designer - I mostly work on resorts and restaurants. This room is my most favorite work I have ever created, so I decided that I wanted to stay here for my vacation to be mentally ensnared by my work. Maybe get some new inspiration for my next project. Hopefully, that doesn't sound too arrogant. Also here is your tea, and may I ask what is your name?" I was surprised to find that I didn't know this boy's name either. I felt like I really knew him by just looking at his art which was a bizarre realization. "No it isn't arrogant... because this room is true...art. So that means you have made many rooms like this? I would love to see them I am sure I would be in love with them all. My name is Akane Tendo and yours? Thank you for the tea." I took the warm teacup graciously it was a gray cup that looked as though it was made from stone but felt like porcelain. Everything around this boy was charming including himself. "My name is Ichiro Sato," He said politely while taking a sip of his tea. I began to drink my tea while I gazed at the shadow heron. There was a comfortable silence as we both admired his work.

Oddly I began to feel drowsy, which I thought was strange because I had slept on the subway train ride here. Very quickly though my muscles were feeling kind of like jelly and I leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor to get ahold of myself. "Ever heard of organic Quaalude Tendo-san? Although I bet you're feeling a bit out of it to be able to answer that question." The feelings were not ones I had ever had before. The way I wobbled as Sato-san helped me to the bed reminded me of drunkenness that I had only seen in movies. I knew he had spoken to me but I couldn't really understand what he was saying. I began to make out words but I wasn't sure if I was just dazed and hearing things wrong. Never in my life had I ever heard of the words organic Quaalude. So I was feeling that it was likely my brain was compensating for what it couldn't understand - creating fake words. I soon couldn't fight it anymore and just closed my eyes. My heart said that the sweet Sato-san wouldn't mind if I fell asleep here.

The light was shining in my eyes causing me great discomfort, but I couldn't seem to be able to get my body to move out of the way so my face wouldn't be directly in the sun. So I ended up having to open my eyes, even though I really wanted to get more sleep. I was consumed by mental exhaustion. I squinted my eyes and saw the curtains drawn back and the sun glaring at me cooking my skin. I tried to turn away but I just couldn't... I looked at my body and I was completely naked. That wasn't the worst of it, though... my ankles had handcuffs around them and a chain that stretched to the bedposts... which just happened to be quite far away. Making my legs stretched out in an unnatural and uncomfortable way. Causing the thigh muscles to ache considerably. I tried to sit up but once again I was unable. I glanced to the side seeing that both my wrists were handcuffed to bed-posts as well. My arms were asleep and it made me feel an even worse discomfort than my aching thighs. I sat up as far as I could go and shook my shoulders slightly trying to get at least a little bit more blood circulation going... And then it hit me like a whole house had fallen on my chest. Never had I panicked like that before. I began viciously pulling at my non-working shoulders and my legs. I yanked and yanked thrashing around. I didn't care about the pain my wrists or ankles felt. In all honesty, I didn't feel anything at all. I was consumed in a panic to the point that I did the unthinkable. I began to scream. I wasn't a screamer it wasn't a natural response to me. As a martial artist fear was the most controlled emotion. More than that, though, that just wasn't my normal response when I got scared. I react with my body or fists, not with my vocal cords. When I was angry I used both, but when I was truly scared it was all body. After about two to five minutes of illogical thrashing, the pain began to set in.

My ankles were bleeding from the sharp metal being pressed against my skin so hard from my pulling. I looked up to see Sato-san sitting on a chair facing the bed. "Good Morning Tendo-san. How did you sleep?" My head was all frozen up. Like thoughts couldn't come through. Just a blackness. Then a strong overwhelming feeling crawled into my heart. Shame. I was naked. I was completely naked. I couldn't cover my body in the slightest. I couldn't even bring my legs together. My pride felt shattered and instantly I started to just let go and cry. Fear from not being able to move. Pain from my bleeding ankles. Shame from being naked. All combined making an overload of emotion that resulted in sobs. "From the moment I met you, I thought you might be a cry baby. Cry and scream all you want I'm the only one who will hear you" his voice had changed. Nothing like the voice I remembered from the previous night.

I wouldn't exactly call myself calm but I had gotten enough of my sobbing under control to look at him. He was smiling, but it was like the shadow heron's absent eyes, just plain wicked. My whole mind wasn't coherent enough to form full thoughts on my situation. So I rambled around on what I was to say. Through shaky breaths, I said, "What's going on here?" Sato-san responded fast "Inspiration my dear. Art is happening". His response calmed me down considerably. Like what was going on may have some sense to it. "You're an art piece Akane... not in any real danger. You're safe everything is okay" Inner Akane soothed. Logic, on the other hand, was screaming like it was in enormous pain telling me nothing but to run. Of which I was unable to do, but it didn't stop logic from screaming it to me. Sato-san just sat for a while and didn't say anything while I rambled quietly to myself nonsensical words. My mental state was in a shambles. My brain workers were in such a rush to glue everything back together that they ended up having to yank pieces out when they made a mistake in the construction of my psyche. Causing me to go into bursts of insanity where I would do nothing but yell at myself. Inner Akane just wouldn't stop bothering the brain workers so I needed to scream at her!

Eventually, my mental status went back to being what could be considered as moderately sane. "I must say I have never seen a girl react to this situation anything like you. The screaming, fear, and crying are standard of course but your rambling is quite unique. I expected bargaining from you not the loss of your mind. I haven't even touched you yet and you're already losing your head." My heart thumped tremendously! Faster than any jog I'd ever taken. "tttouch me…?" I stuttered out. Logic stopped screaming "run" and instead I heard only the ticking of rummaging thoughts. "He is going to rape you Akane," it said.

Dread was instantaneous… seeping into every part of my brain until I was consumed in a type of fright that was nothing like anything I had ever felt before. The realization caused a new panic that dashed through my system. Every instinct all started shrieking. I once again began flailing about in my limited mobility. Twisting and jerking my wrists. Wrenching my legs every which way in a desperate attempt at escape. I could feel my muscles twitching in exhaustion. Then pain took over my left leg as my calf muscle constricted in a powerful cramp. I screeched in an uncontrollable agony. It was clear I was dehydrated and I knew if I didn't get water soon the cramps would get much much worse. When it passed my whole body felt exhausted. I laid back…and cried and cried and cried. All the while Sato-san just sat in his chair watching every little struggle I made. After what felt like days, Sato-san began to speak "Yes Tendo-san touch you, ever been touched by a man before? I suppose so since you have a fiancé." He began to undress then, but in a creepily slow manner all the while never taking his eyes off of mine. I couldn't turn away not because he was enticing… but because I was scared what he would do if I turned away. His eyes were menacingly dark. As if invisible arms came from them and were here to drag me to hell.

He walked over to the right side of the bed dragging his finger along my leg. While looking at him I saw his mouth twitch itself into a smile. His top lip was thin and barely visible when his mouth curved into a smile. His bottom lip was considerably thicker and stuck out slightly as though he were pouting. The smile he was producing had a darkness to it that would turn anyone's blood straight to ice. I couldn't help myself, as a very visible shiver crossed through my body. His eyes told me that he had misinterpreted that shiver as an invitation that I was enjoying his touch. I couldn't think of words instead all I let out was a whimper. He grabbed an object on the bedside table that I couldn't see with the way I was chained. "I knew from the minute I saw you, that you wanted me. You can deny it all you want, but I can read people Tendo-san and you are going to enjoy this vacation"

I was the girl everyone knew as strong, tough, and prideful. Hell, I was those things! I didn't shy away from any kind of fight. May it be a verbal or a physical fight I wouldn't give up… but this was different. I had been ripped from my high horse…. I was the slave stable boy now.

"Don't give up Akane!" inner Akane yelled. She was right I wouldn't let this sick depraved man dare lay a hand on me. I turned my head to face him and grimaced. "You would have to be a fool to ever think I would want you to touch me!" I raised my head slightly and spit right onto his face. I would never lay down! I was a martial artist. My act of defiance seemed to light up his eyes in a familiar joy I had seen previously. They were the same eyes as when I had told him I loved his art. Then his icy piercing laugh filled the whole room. Burrowing into my ears and booming like it came from a giant's voice. He wiped the spit from his face with his index finger and then licked his finger in what he must have considered being seductive. I, on the other hand, was filled with unbearable disgust. "Sicko" I muttered in response. He began laughing… and said "I wonder why faces twisted in fear excite me so much. I want to sew that sloppy mouth of yours shut with neat tidy stitches. You dare spit on me?... You will come to regret that." I wanted desperately to be strong, but his threat made my stomach turn in terror. I could feel my throat tighten from me trying to hold back the urge to cry. I am not weak...I am not weak...I am not weak. I am strong! I chanted to myself. I continued to stare at him which took every ounce of bravery I had. All I wanted was to turn away from the evil aura that surrounded Sato.

I heard an odd ripping sound that reminded me of when you pull the tape from a roll. Then another tear sound. It was definitely tape. In what seemed like lightning speed he was on top of me tapping my mouth closed. He put his hands on either side of my head tightly, holding my head in place. He stared directly into my eyes for a brief moment. Then he began his defilement of me. There aren't enough words for hatred, anger, and pain in any language that could describe how cracked my heart had become. I wanted nothing more than to reach up and strangle the man on top of me. I wanted to squeeze his neck till I broke every bone to smithereens. I wanted to slam a knife so far into his eyes it came out the other side of his skull. Then take his spine and jam it down his mutilated corpse. As soon as his actual assault of me started he didn't look at me. As though he was far too above me to look into the face of his victim. Instead, he looked at his own reflection from the mirror headboard. Grunting in satisfaction as he violated me.

He stared at himself with an enjoyment that was sickening. When he was done my whole body hurt. I ached. Everything ached. Even the bed creaked from its aching springs. His rape of me had gone on for what felt like an eternity. He'd finish but then start back up again. It felt like the horrors would never stop. The sun had gone down. He'd been at it all day. I was dreadfully thirsty. My lips were cracked and my tongue felt like a dry sock. Sato who I now would refer to as 'the monster' had left into the room's bathroom. Referring to him as something evil for some odd reason gave me a small sense of ease. I heard a shower going. This was my chance to get free. Maybe if I somehow broke the headboard it would damage the bedposts and I could slip my hands free. I filled with hope and I started to rock back and forth gaining enough force to slam into the headboard. Then my hope drained away as fast as it had come at the realization that the headboard wasn't connected to the bedposts. The bedposts were connected to the frame…... not the headboard.

The amount of despair that enveloped me was a destruction of the person I was. Akane Tendo was gone and what replaced her was a timid rat. I would do, say, and be anything to get free. I cried at the loss of myself. I cried because I knew my heart was broken and the corruption was seeping in. When he came back out he looked very pleased with my state. He had a cup of water in his hand. He walked over with a strut that bellowed confidence. I didn't care, though. I'd do anything to be able to drink that water. My mouth hurt from dryness. Instinct told me I would die if I didn't get him to give me that water. His slimy thin hands caressed the side of my face as he fiddled with the corners of the duct tape. Suddenly and with no warning, he ripped it off my face. I bit down on my lip to keep from yelping in pain. "Do you want this water Tendo-san?" he asked. My mouth felt like sandpaper and my throat felt raw. So I just nodded to save me the humiliation of being unable to speak with the confidence of Akane Tendo. I didn't want to hear the shriveling weak voice that was sure to be what I sounded like now. He smiled widely. He tilted the cup to my mouth and let its contents flow. Cursing myself for the water droplets that were rushing out of the corners of my mouth. He left soon after without saying a word. Hunger was tying knots into my stomach. Growling with the ferocity of a beast. Inner Akane began to talk "What if he doesn't come back and he's leaving you here to die?"

I couldn't bare the thought of dying like this. Whoever found me would know what had happened. My family would have this marked on their names forever. Their martial artist daughter defeated and subjected to the worst humiliation. The defilement of the Tendo name. I was so weak with hunger any attempt at escape was futile. My thoughts consisted of nothing but food and water. Escape plans were nothing but a distant mirage now. At some point in my misery, I had drifted off to sleep only to be awoken to a terrible horror. At the end of the bed, the monster stood with a coquettish smile and a large knife in his left hand. Goosebumps rippled across my skin. I could feel the racing of my heart as it pointlessly prepared me for what was to come. "Go ahead… GO AHEAD AND CRY! LIE TO YOURSELF!" His deafening vehement yelling was unbearable. His voice turned to a whisper as he got to my ear "Lie to yourself… Tell yourself this isn't happening. Deny that you are now trash. I have made you worthless. I own you. I will forever own you. I'll make sure you won't even be able to look at yourself without remembering me. You're my next art piece Akane-san… enjoy the honor…" I soaked his words into my very soul, and I believed them…

"If you cooperate Akane-san, I will let you go… do you like that deal?" Never had I understood how many different types of fear there really were. How the brain truly reacts. This time, though I was going to die. To think I had ever been upset -about shame or the Tendo name. My life was going to end. I screamed so desperately. Screamed for anything. Whatever the monster was going to do was going to hurt. It was going to hurt real bad. "Please… please oh my god please I'll do anything… please don't hurt me. I don't want to die... please have mercy". I laid there chained helplessly to the bed looking at the eyes of the man who was going to steal my life away from me. "I'll give you anything… please don't hurt me. I am begging you!" Tears flowed down my face like tiny rivers. I used to find crying to be so shameful. I hated to cry. In this moment though the crying was easing the burden of the terrible fear in my brain. It was keeping me from utterly losing my mind. I was on the edge of Akane Tendo snapping and being nothing more than a ghost. I had to cry or there would be nothing left of my poor mind. "Hush Akane-San as long as you do as you're told - I'll let the little bird out of her cage." the monster whispered. I whimpered in response.

He went to the bottom of the bed then and began unscrewing the right bedpost. Once he had unscrewed it, it was completely unattached to the bed frame. He held the bedpost for a moment… and then let it drop to the floor. It was incredibly heavy. I yelled in pain. It felt like my right leg was on a medieval stretch torture device. He then did the same thing to all the bedposts. I was so weak and they were so heavy - I couldn't do much of anything. It was like they were anchors sinking me to the bottom of the sea to drown. He then proceeded to flip me over and re-screw the bedposts to their opposite sides. Now I was facing the bed and my back faced the ceiling. The monster began to rape me again. This went on for hours. Wherever he could enter, he would go. My blood was all over the sheets. I couldn't feel my arms because I had lost all blood circulation. I cried, but I was dehydrated... no water came from my eyes. It was just crying noises. The entire time he enjoyed himself with my body - he had the cold knife just laying on my back. He finally seemed to be exhausted. For the next couple of hours, he told me stories of the previous woman he had raped. How each new room he designed he had gotten from the inspiration of women he had defiled. He explained that the shadow heron represented the last girl. How he had beaten her black and blue like that of a bird's shadow. At first his talking had been comforting, in the fact, that the monster wasn't raping me, but his stories were so horrific that I felt I'd rather him just beat me to death. It was like he was telling me what was to come but through his other victim's stories. "Don't worry Akane-san I never kill my victims; I only maim them." His tone was sickening.

I felt the coolness of the knife's blade enter the skin of my back… then there was nothing but pain. My mind was gone. Thought nothing but pain. Was nothing but pain. I was nothing but a pain sensor. All of my existence was agony. I was biting into the sheets of the bed to distract my soul, but it provided no comfort. I wished for death. The fact that I had ever feared death was a mystery to me now. Death was a gift. There would be no greater offer than to be blessed with the coldness of being dead. To be nothing. To feel nothing. There couldn't be anything more beautiful than that.

Finally, it stopped. I felt a wet cloth softly wiping across my back. "It's over Akane-san, now you'll never forget who owns you." He took the handcuffs off of my ankles and wrists, and picked me up and put me on a chair covered with towels. He had a huge garbage bag at the edge of the room. I was so weak I could barely move and my back was raw. I was overwhelmed with pain. The monster stripped all the sheets and pillows stuffing everything into the bag. He proceeded to wipe down the entire room anything he or I touched was cleaned to perfection. The monster put a cup of water to my lips. I drank it greedily. He would go back to cleaning then come back and help me in some small manner. My mind was nothing but blank space. Things blurred together. I realized at some point I needed to pee and so I went right where I was sitting. The monster came over and changed my towels. They were awful bloody I noticed. I wondered vaguely whose blood that was. He fed me, bathed me, and put a dressing on my wounds. I later realized the blood on the towels was mine… I must have lost a lot of it. I was so out of sorts; I was in a haze. This is what insanity must be and I was grateful for it.

Exhaustion was overwhelming all of my other senses and I let myself drift off into the black. I awoke with a start… How could I ever let myself fall asleep! That had been my chance to finally escape! I glanced around at my surroundings and quickly realized the room was immaculately clean. I also felt fabric… I was clothed. I wasn't tied either… I was just sitting in this chair...free. I had to be dreaming. There was no way I wouldn't have been killed. I got up and inched my way across the room. I was sure with each step I made an alarm would soon begin blaring and I'd be dragged back into the arms of the monster. I managed to sneak myself into the bathroom successfully. I slowly closed the door afraid the slightest noise was going to be my downfall. I then locked the door. There were no windows in the bathroom… had I just cornered myself? Had I just made the worst mistake. "No Akane you need to get your thoughts in order, the monster doesn't know you're in here… you're safe… for now" Inner Akane said. I stood for a moment staring at the shower curtain… what if he was behind there. Hiding. Waiting. What if he knew I would come in here first? "You're being ludicrous Akane there is no way he could know you would have come in here." Logic said but it didn't matter I was already frozen in fear. My body was stiff and a slow pain was engulfing me. I walked over slowly. I didn't have a plan, but I knew I needed to pull that curtain. I grasped the side and yanked…. hard.

The shower was empty. I breathed a sigh of relief. I leaned down and began to cry from the relief. Then I realized how powerfully thirsty I was. I turned around to the sink and began to drink the water from the faucet. I drank until my belly was full and a sense of nausea filled me. I sat on the floor until it passed. I successfully kept the water down. I stood up and took a good long look at myself. I looked exhausted and have tear streaks down my face. The previous night's events seep into my head. The monster had carved into me. I lifted up my shirt only to see my entire torso was covered in white bandages. Upon realizing this I understood why my chest had been feeling so tight since I had woken up. I turned around to see the bandages on my back were soaked in blood. It was an incredibly gruesome sight. I knew I had to get out of here. I didn't know what day it was, but I knew I had to go home. I just wanted to be safe. Fear was my only motivator now. I unlocked the bathroom door and dropped low to the floor. Looking every which way while crawling to the suites entrance door. I knew that the way I had woken up was suspicious. Would he really just let me go? Or was I in a trap and being hunted. I needed to be very cautious. Very slowly I made my way to my room. I felt like everyone I saw couldn't be trusted and they were probably in on the whole scheme. How could nobody have heard me screaming? The monster had said with such confidence that nobody would hear my screaming. Was that because everyone here knew what was going on? I knew that in some way I was being irrational, but I wasn't willing to take the risk. I rushed around my room grabbing my packed bags and my subway ticket. My back had begun to burn painfully making even the slightest steps almost unbearable. Adrenaline was what kept me moving. Fear made even the worst pain an afterthought.

I made my way to the front desk to checkout. For some ridiculous reason, I wanted to appear normal. I didn't want to give away that I had been a victim of anything. Crazy theories of everyone being in on it made me think that if I acted completely normal that the accomplices would think it was some other girl and not drag me back to the monster. Subconsciously I was in denial that the incident had even happened that maybe it was all in my head. Feeding into my acceptance of this denial was… I didn't want anyone to know. Only but hours earlier I had been okay with death, thinking that shame was a ridiculous thing to feel. Yet the familiar feeling was back eating away at my heart. I couldn't possibly have been raped. That could never have happened to me. As I reached the subway and took a seat I began to cry. It was not a crying because of relief at being safe. I was now engulfed in the crying of pain. My back was on fire with a screaming burning itching pain. I could feel the oozing slimy blood coating my skin as it soaked the bandages.

I grabbed my armrests and squeezed with every bit of strength I had. Anything to distract me from the pain that was taking over my brain. It would get so strong I'd be on the verge of passing out. Then quickly it would go back to just a dull ache. I couldn't help the tears streaming down my face. I knew the other passengers were sure to be freaked out, but in all honestly I didn't care. I just wanted the pain to stop. There was nothing that even came into the frame of my mind other than the constant pain. Ripping and shredding my will to live with each tormenting spike of agony. After hours, the pain subsided. Maybe I was in some sort of a shock because then I was just out cold. I woke up to the driver standing above me "Lady, this your stop isn't it? I remember ya, I picked ya up from here ain't that right? You don't look so good lady, ya want me to call ya a cab?" I was dazed at first, but when I glanced out the window I recognized the station. "No, I am okay I live close to here. Thank you for waking me" "No problem miss" he said in a matter of fact manner.

As I exited the subway train - I was consumed by a ravenous hunger. It had been many hours since… the monster had fed me. My legs were weak with the effort of holding my body weight. I wobbled to the closest fence and leaned most of my weight on it to keep myself from collapsing. I walked along the fence in absurd slowness. I would probably pass out if I tried to exert myself too much. One step at a time was all that mattered now.


	2. Chapter 2

My thoughts started to caress my fears… I was torturing myself. How was I supposed to face my family? I knew how stupid I had been. I had woken up to be taken over by extreme paranoia. I should have gone straight to the front desk. Asked them who stayed in that… that room… who that... stupid motherfucker was! I should've asked them to call the police. I should've told them everything. Did I let him get away? How many other women will he do this to do now that you had left? I tried to think of his name, but he was only the monster to me now. He probably hadn't given me his real name, but knowing what he had told me would have had to have some use. What an idiot I had been to think the resort had been in on it. There is no way the staff or owners would ever be okay with those actions. There was nothing they could gain. I had been so stupid. What could I do now… tell my family? The very thought iced over my heart. Fear. I was so scared. My throat got tight just of the strong urge to cry from the very idea. Would they blame me? Would they believe me? Would Nabiki blackmail me? Would Ranma leave me? Would I be the shame of the family? Have I just lost everything? Is it possible to not tell anyone….? Inner Akane was not happy she screamed to me that I was selfish to even consider not telling. That the man would walk free because I was a coward.

Soon my home came into view and the beautiful smell of food was filling the air. No more painful thoughts stabbed at me. All that graced my mind was food. I gave myself a light slap on my cheeks to bring life to my pale face. I mentally pried my lips upward to feign happiness. I placed my hand on my door and let the old Akane sink into my skin. Who better to impersonate Akane Tendo… than... Akane herself. I rushedly opened my front door in an all too familiar "Akane-like-way". I took a couple steps inside to see my whole wonderful family sitting down with a divine dinner laid out. I glanced around to see the precious faces of whom I could have had a high chance of never seeing again. In my spot Ukyo sat... she had the brightest smile on her face. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. She was patting the spot next to her on the opposite of Ranma, of course. It was clear she was indicating to come sit next to her. I felt a twinge deep in the back of my mind. Jealousy. Pain. Love. Sorrow. Those feelings were far away, though. In this moment, I was happy to be alive. My sham of a smile still plastered on my face as I turned slightly to look at Ranma. My most treasured person in the whole world. His smile was warm as we locked eyes. My fake smile faltered as it grew into a genuine grin of pure joy. I took a step and then it felt like a practically tripped into him. I wrapped my arms so desperately around him. I wanted him to feel how much I missed him in my touch. I didn't care if me doing this was embarrassing or if I should have been more subtle. I didn't care about the expectations of when or how to show affection. I wanted to feel the desire so deep in my bones that my muscles had no choice but to act. "Woah whoa Akane! Miss me much? With that man grip of yours, you're going to strangle me!" I wanted to laugh. Who would have thought that within a mere second something already insensitive had come out of Ranma's mouth? I knew he didn't mean it to hurt me. That he spoke what he thought only to regret it later. It still hurt deeply to hear him say that. "That man grip of yours" echoing in my head. Inner Akane's insecurities spoke unanswerable questions. Was I really so manly? Was I undesirable? Creeping cold words crawled their way into my heart. They were the words of the monster… "Deny that you are now trash. I have made you worthless. I own you. I will forever own you. I'll make sure you won't even be able to look at yourself without remembering me." Ranma didn't want a girl built like a brick. A girl who was trash and worthless. I belonged to a man of darkness who had ripped me away. An impersonator can only perform for so long before being caught. My "old-Akane-act" had fled me. Now it was ghost Akane who remained. I quickly pulled my arms away. I looked up instinctively even though I didn't want to look into anyone's eyes ever again. His eyes gave away that he regretted what he said. He looked almost desperate to quickly explain himself. I didn't want him to do anything. It was far too late to repair my broken mind. So... I smiled. I smiled big and strong. "Oh Ranma, I have even missed that smart mouth of yours." I was too selfish… too much of a coward to ever reveal what was left of me. I walked over to where Ukyo had patted me a spot. Grabbing a bowl, I began to snatch large amounts of food. I looked like a pig as I ate ravenously. I didn't care. I hadn't eaten in days. I could hear my family talking to me. I think maybe Ranma asked me some question. The others too probably, wondering what had gotten into me. The only thing I could make out was what Kasumi was saying "Oh my Akane, you are making such a mess!". Once I was finished I just stood up, walked to my room… and pleaded for sleep. I was guilty of so many sins now. I felt a deep burning rage. I hated everyone and everything. This world deserved to suffer for what it had done to me. I wanted everyone to pay.

I woke up in terrible anguish. My back felt skinned. To even move an inch was enough to make me want to die. I wanted to scream. Scream till my throat felt raw. To just shriek the pain away, but then my family would find me. They'd see my back. They would have questions; questions I could never answer. I moved at a snail's pace. I needed to get to the bathroom. As a martial artist, I knew I had to clean the wound. For if it were to get infected it could possibly be the death of me. I stepped into the bathroom, painstakingly I took off my shirt and unwrapped my bandages. The bandages the monster... had put on me. I faced away from the mirror and craned my neck around to get a look at my back. My mind went blank at the sight. Just by looking at the raw bloody mess made the pain a thousand times worse. The sight of it was like the monster was back slicing into me. I placed my hand over my mouth to contain a shriek. I felt the tears slipping down my cheeks. They slipped their way down my hand as though to be a comfort, to remind me I was still alive. The monster had carved a word into my back. The word was so plain and yet held so much significance. Within each stroke of the knife, he was laying waste to the liberty of my soul. What more could the monster rob me of…. my personality gone, my soul caged, and my heart broken. I was now a spiritless body, the equivalent of a lifeless doll. He had carved "mine" into my back…. he was right. He had taken with him the real Akane. Left me to glue what little I had of myself back together. How terribly cruel.

I knew that this wound was too grievous for me to handle. Despite all of the things taken from me, a will to live still stirred in my human instincts. I would have to go to someone. Maybe… just maybe Dr. Tofu wouldn't ask questions. I was too weak to wrap the bandages back around me. I placed my shirt over my rawness. I whimpered from the inexhaustible pain. Through tiny steps, I made it back to my room. I just needed to rest before I went. Just a bit more time to think. I couldn't leave just yet if he were to ask me anything - I needed a story. "What kind of story could you possibly come up with for having a word carved into your back!" Inner Akane yelled. "Shut up," I responded menacingly. I felt nauseated and dizziness. Just needed to make it to the bed. That's all for now. That's all.

The next second I was outside. The sun was burning so hot on my skin. It hurt. God, it hurt. I glanced around for shelter, anywhere from the scorching sun. I saw a single building and ran for it. A desperate run to escape the pain. I reached for the door and as I pulled on the handle I realized I was shutting the door - not opening it. I turned around to see I was in a long corridor. The hallway was suffocatingly tight. It was so tight that the air was thick. No matter how many breaths I took I couldn't get enough oxygen into my lungs. I looked closer at the claustrophobic inducing walls and realized they weren't walls at all, they were people. The massive corridor was filled with faces expressing every emotion imaginable. So terrifying. So many faces. One of the faces was smiling ear to ear. I could practically feel the joy resonating from it. Without even realizing, I reached out and touched it. Instantly it was no longer a face, but a mask. Instinct compelled me to put it on, so I did. When I looked up... the hallway wasn't endless anymore instead there was a door. I didn't want to suffocate in there anymore so I ran for it. I opened it, my skin crawling with panic. I was free.

I wake up to the sound of Kasumi's voice and realize that I had been dreaming. A frightful dream indeed I think as a shiver passes up my spine. "Akane, you have slept for quite a long time. It's not usual for you to sleep this long. You were acting strange when you came home last night and we are all very worried about you. Please, Akane won't you come down?" We have postponed breakfast so that you may eat with us. Ranma is getting rather impatient, you know how that boy loves to eat." I quickly respond "I am sorry. I had been feeling unwell...I am okay now, though...I'll be down in a moment". I could hear that my voice sounded apprehensive and yet was too tired to really care. I truly felt such a strong exhaustion that my mind also felt indifference. I dare say that I wanted to remain like this so I couldn't feel anything forever. For all these emotions inside me were what was taking such a serious toll on my heart. After some tender silence, I heard Kasumi's footfalls as she walked back downstairs.

I stood and decided I didn't care to change. I walked slowly down the stairs to save me from somehow bringing my gruesome back to the attention of my brain. As I reached the dining area and walked in everyone was stone silent. They stared at me with the oddest expressions. Facial features so blank, but their eyes held different stories. I must not have looked very well because I watched concern move out of their eyes and into the lines of their faces. When I looked at Ranma he looked worst of all - his were mixed in with a look of guilt. This I found very strange. I definitely stared at them all too long without doing anything. This probably would hurt my case in convincing them that I was okay. The "old-Akane-like" way would surely have asked why they were all staring. She would have gotten uneasy, while trying to hide it even though everyone could see what she was doing. At the present not only did I stare at them all too long and made no mention of their expression - I also then sat down and said nothing as I began to eat. I knew this was out of character of myself. I thought of my dream briefly and the hallway full of people whose faces turned into masks if I touched them. How I had reached out and grabbed the happiest looking one. That once I put on the happy mask... I had been allowed to go free from the terrible hallway. Was that my subconscious telling me something? That as long as I hide what I am feeling that my life will go on and I will be free. That these shackles I feel will be removed? I was deep in thought when I heard Ranma's voice. It didn't really register that he had been talking to me till I looked up to see him facing me. "Akane, Kasumi said that you had been feeling unwell...did you catch a sickness?" His eyes showed sweet concern. I felt a selfish desire deep within that I hoped those concerned eyes would never turn away from me. "I am alright... I assure you Ranma, I didn't mean to raise such alarm last night." It was weird hearing my own voice come out so slowly and lacking genuineness. In all my life I had never really had to think so much before I spoke. I wasn't at all like Ranma who didn't seem able at all to think before he spoke. This was different than that. It was that everything said needed to be planned. It was like my mind wanted every word spoken to be covered in caution because one wrong word and the whole world will know I am a disgrace. I didn't want to think like that, though! Yet I felt the shame all the same. That I was to blame because I should have known better than to go into a man's bedroom of which I barely knew. To have been so naive about ill intentions made it my fault. My burden. My responsibility. Then Nabiki spoke "Excuse me? Raise alarm? You didn't mean to raise any alarm? You came into this house looking like a stray cat and acted like an alien who was trying to disguise itself as one of the family. We all talked about it last night after you stuffed your face like you were starved and went up to bed stumbling like a drunkard. We think we deserve an explanation for your bizarre behavior yesterday and now."

Course it would be Nabiki to be the frank one, maybe it was because I was so tired but her words barely phased me. "I was feeling a bit under the weather and was very tired is all. I am still very tired." My words sounded so very hollow. My voice sounded like that of which I feel a mannequin would sound like if given the ability to speak. "If you don't tell us what is going on with you now - I will be sure to find out myself. You know I am capable of finding out whatever it is that you are hiding. Whatever it is that is making you act like a drunk man with nothing to lose...I will find out." She sounded very cross. "So you can blackmail me?" If I turned the conversation off of my situation and onto her personality quirks maybe she'd be on the defensive. Maybe just maybe I could get out of this.

For a moment, she looked hurt then her expression turned angry. "No, Akane, because you're family is worried about you, including me." I looked at her blandly… I felt very blandly. "Well if it is of any comfort I planned on going to see today to get a checkup. There is nothing to find out Nabiki - I just haven't been feeling well." I responded and very quickly after I finished speaking my dad spoke. "Ramna you will accompany her to see ." He said this very sternly and with a tight face. Everyone looked pretty rigid in fact, except for Ranma. His shoulders were slumped. His eyes weak and downcast.

His lips spread in such a way that made it seem like he had a lot to say. "Of course" was all Ranma said in response. The rest of breakfast was Kasumi making small aimless chatter. Eating from my own hand was more elating than could possibly be described. Such a simple joy that I had seriously taken for granted. Although as we all ate - I felt the rawness and pain from my back ache more seriously with each passing second, until it truly felt that I was alit with flames. I couldn't bare to eat anything more - it ached so harshly. I instead chewed on my thumbnail as a distraction. My eyes were growing damp from the torment of it. I knew I couldn't stand up to get away because movement only made it worse. If I tried to fully stand up everyone would know something was wrong. So I sat ridiculously still and blinked an equally as preposterous amount of times to hide the moistness.

I glanced up to notice that Ranma was looking right at me. He had definitely noticed that something was wrong by the look in his eyes. He looked like he was watching a dog getting euthanized. Even through all the pain - my honor felt more important. I could never let anyone at this table ever find out about my back. I would take a gun to my own head first before I'd ever let that happen. So I looked him straight into his unsettled eyes and lied to them with a hoax of a smile. I poured every ounce of the remaining happiness of Akane into that smile. Ranma looked very touched. A small grin formed on his face as though he had received an early Christmas gift. Luckily for me, the pain had begun to subside enough that I could stand without causing any suspicion about being in physical pain. "Now head off to Dr. Tofu's already, and remind me of this incident before I ever let you go on any more trips without your family." My dad said this to me with that same tight face. I could tell he was worried. In that moment, I really wished I was a better actress. I couldn't conjure up much of a reaction to his words, though. I wanted to reach out and grab his hand, to tell him everything was alright… tell him not to worry. But everything wasn't alright and I just couldn't fake it.

"Will do." is all I said in response as I walked to the front door with Ranma's footsteps trailing behind me. Once we got to the street I heard Ranma give a big sigh which sounded like relief. "Thank god we're out of there, now we can actually talk. Last night everybody was blaming me for your weird behavior because I went on that trip to learn that new martial arts move…. and then when you got back... I said that mean thing to you at dinner. Plus, we really didn't leave on the best of terms n'all. Listen Akane, you know sometimes I say things before I think. I honestly didn't mean what I said last night! It was like a joke…. trying to be funny is all... If that's why you've been acting weird... I'm really sorry." I know that deep in the back of my mind that Ranma's words were pleasurable, but ghost Akane led the body. She either felt indifference or hatred - there really was no in-between. "It's fine Ranma, I just haven't been feeling well. Nothing else is wrong." My voice was as vacant of emotion as I felt. He then stood directly in front of me. His face but a pencil tip away from mine. "Are you sure?" His eyes drifted to the left in a solemn manner. "You looked so happy to see me... you hugged me like you had really missed me, but right after I said you had a man grip... you looked very upset. That smile you gave was fake! I could see that you were saddened." Ranma then grabbed my shoulders, while moving his eyes back to stare directly into mine. "I want to apologize completely. If it makes you feel better, you can hit me right in the face." I watched him take his hand and pat it right on his cheek. I felt a familiar bubble building up inside me. I was about to burst out laughing. One of the many skills Ranma had that made me love him so - was how easily he could make me laugh.


	3. Chapter 3

Before I even got the chance to revel in my laughter, I felt arms swoop underneath my armpits picking me up from behind. I heard Kuno's voice, but my mind FELT the monster. Goosebumps covered my whole body, while adrenaline overloaded my panic system. Then... there was the pain. The monster had lifted me up stretching the wounds on my back open. I screamed. I screamed in horror and agony. I would never let him take me again! I took my elbow and rammed it backward into the monster's face with every bit of might I had. As I felt the body behind me falling - I swiftly turned around and slammed my fist into his skull. This stupid fool didn't have drugs to catch me this time. I was going to kill him. Here and now I was going to beat him to death. I pulled my fist back and was ready to crush his brain into goo - when then I realized the person beneath me was Kuno. My whole body began to shake with the surplus of adrenaline coursing through my body. He looked pretty mystified, but happy as well. His eyes shined with admiration and it made me sick. I had been prepared to punch his face into puss.

He didn't deserve the feelings that were surging inside me, but hatred was consuming every inch of my being. I could feel the touches of the monster because of what he did. Every slimy finger of every day of every minute of every second I had been trapped by him, I could feel it now. As though deep in the recesses of my mind all that had been repressed, how the monster had felt, was released in that second to be experienced again. Kuno shouldn't be allowed to touch me anyway! How dare he?! In what way could he have been possibly raised to think it okay to touch me as he pleased! All the broken bits of my psyche screamed that he was as much to blame as the monster. That he would never touch you again if you beat him into comatose. To my complete distaste, I could feel blood running out of my wounds and soaking my shirt to my skin. The rage inside me was so strong I could barely feel it. I slammed both of my fists onto the street beside Kuno's head and let out an aching angry growl. I couldn't read the expressions in his eyes, but I didn't much care to. I had never heard my voice sound so sinister in all my life. "I will kill you with my bare hands if you….e...v...er… touch me again. I will watch blood rush to your eyes as I strangle the life out of you if even look at me. Don't you ever lay a hand on me again."

I stood up from Kuno and began to walk once again towards Dr. Tofu's establishment. The sticky feeling of having my shirt stuck to my body as though I had sweated profusely was disgusting. As I slowly began walking the realization that Ranma had come with me sank back in. I didn't want to turn in any direction other than forward where I knew he was not. I could feel his presence though and if I could wish him far away I would've done it. "You can't even try to say you are okay to me now Akane. What... just happened. You're...you're bleeding." I heard the voice of someone I desperately wanted to remain silent. Just for Ranma to pretend that nothing had happened would have been very relieving. I didn't want to talk or answer any of the questions he was bound to ask. "Wow, Ranma how perceptive of you, clearly any person in the right mind would think I was A okay right now...right?" I said this lathered in sarcasm, but began to speak more to keep him under some control. I couldn't have my family find out too. I could come up with something to make Ranma keep this a secret. "I know okay? It's not as bad as it looks." I spoke as calmly as I could muster. Ranma let out a noise that sounded like a groan mixed with a whimper and a sigh. "Akane, you're lying to me." Old Akane would've been angry maybe told him to mind his own business, but ghost Akane she wanted this swept under the rug. "Listen, it really isn't as bad as it looks. I have been acting poorly because I lost a challenge fight and my pride is severely wounded. This injury isn't anything compared to that, so please can you keep this to yourself and wipe that worried look off your face? I am capable of taking care of myself." It was weird to me how easily that lie came to my mind as I spoke. His face still looked concerned, but his eyes showed belief and trust in what I said. "You should have just said something to me, it's not like I haven't ever lost a fight before. It happens to the very best of us. On that note, what was it that you said to Kuno? He looked...really stunned. Which is a hard thing to imagine considering how thick skulled he is and that's coming from me!" I could feel the exhaustion creeping up on me. I was felt so tired I just didn't want to respond. "I just threatened him, Ranma, just leave it be okay? Let's just get to Dr. Tofu's." I began walking back in the direction of the local medical center. Ranma spoke, but I had stopped listening and thankfully silence fell over him after long enough of me not responding.

Ranma:

I noticed the way Akane was walking… she was in extreme pain. She had to have lied to me about how serious that wound was because her shirt was already soaked with blood. God her pride was absolutely ridiculous sometimes! At least she was going to see Dr. Tofu, as long as she was at least planning on doing that I wouldn't ask her anything more about it. What kind of martial artist aims for the back, though? I was going to have to find out who the hell Akane fought so I could go beat the mother fucking shit out of them. The more I thought about it, though...the more I felt that she was leaving something out. That wound seemed far too grievous to be inflicted by a proper martial artist. The person would have to have cut her for the amount of blood that was drenching her shirt. I just kept telling myself as long as she was going to the clinic - I wouldn't question her about it. At least not yet…

She walked so slowly, but finally we made it to Dr. Tofu's clinic. I had wanted to help her, but she absolutely refused anything from me. She told me to wait outside and I complied to her request. I sat back, and for the first 10 minutes or so I was rigid with worry, till finally I started to calm down. Dr. Tofu knows what he is doing I told myself. My thoughts drifted to the day Akane had arrived back from her vacation. I wasn't an idiot; I had caught on to Akane's feelings for me. I cared greatly for Akane, in fact, I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her. For a time, I felt that I could marry Akane. In fact, I felt that I could marry any of the fiancés that fate had thrown my way. Excluding Kuno's sister, of course, I had never considered marrying her for a moment. Being with Akane was a huge stress. I loved her, but I felt I couldn't be completely myself- always on guard at upsetting her. Always this constant weight of guilt whenever I hurt her feelings. She was so sensitive and that wasn't a bad thing, but it wasn't someone I felt I could be with. Plus, I wasn't someone she should be with either, why she fell in love with someone who always upset her was beyond me. I knew that my father expected me to marry her so I could take over the dojo, but I just couldn't justify marrying Akane for us both to end up being unhappy. I decided to create distance until she fell in love with someone else… or even hated me. I would of course much prefer she met someone else. That was another reason I had decided to take Ukyo to practice with me. I didn't want to hurt Akane, but I wanted this to be an answer of "no" towards her feelings without actually having to say it directly. Maybe that was cowardly, but it would save her the humiliation of being turned down and me a beating. It was extra difficult to talk about something she would never admit out loud. When I had gotten home from the training to find a welcome home party and no Akane, I was relieved. I had heard that she had won a trip. If she was willing to miss me coming home, she was already on the road to recovery of getting over me, I had thought. I hoped desperately that through the ordeal of eventually going our separate ways we would be able to remain friends. Although when she came home and within that instant when I had hurt her feelings and saw her face fall - I knew nothing had changed. My heart hurt for her, it was never my goal to always be causing her so much grief. She retreated so much differently than usual afterward. It wasn't the cold shoulder like normal, it was complete disinterest in her surroundings. She acted so much weirder than that, though: She ate like someone who was starving, had eyes as blank as printer paper, and maneuvered like a sneaky but drunken cat. Then this thing with the wound and martial artist battle. Had she even won a trip like I was told? Or had she gone off to fight some martial artist to get the anger out and prove something to herself? Maybe this had been why she was so glum because it proved the opposite of what she wanted. Whatever that particular reason was, it was my duty as a friend to find that out. After over 3 hours, Akane emerged from the room with a pasty white faced Dr. Tofu following behind her. He looked awful, almost visibly shaken up and all of sudden I expected really bad news. "Okay, Akane I want you to continue coming back to the clinic for cleanings and re-bandaging and remember what I told you, no strenuous activity." Then came a nervous laugh and awkward nod and smile at me as he went back into his office. What did he do? I asked Akane "Just cleaned it and gave me stitches." She responded. Will it scar? I decided to ask because I couldn't much think of what to talk about without accidentally inquiring into the fight she had with the mystery martial artist- with a serious death wish I may add. Her eyes widened just for a mere second, and I noticed it very clearly. Her voice responded more calmly than her eyes had looked "Yeah it'll probably scar".

1 Month Later:

Akane had become almost robotic and rarely spoke to me or really anyone. School had started up again and it was strange to see such her as such a withdrawn girl. Originally, when people would ask me what was wrong with Akane I would tell them that she had been sick, but as time passed by I had fewer excuses to give people. Eventually, I just started responding with I don't know. At home, they had blamed me for a while and gave me constant pressure to go up to her room and fix things. This was irritating to me for a brief period because I hated being so easily pushed around by the whims of Akane Tendo's mood. Each time I tried though it felt as if I were talking to a gravestone and not a person. She did such little talking and I would talk myself in circles trying to apologize for every mistake I had ever made in my time of knowing her. She would nod, tell me she wasn't remotely upset with me, but that the injury on her back was sucking her dry of energy. I had sworn to her that I would not tell her family, but she never offered up any solutions for me to give the family as an excuse for her recent behavior. She seemed completely unaware of the predicament she had placed me in. I grew bitter for a day or two by not talking to her at school (Since school had started I followed her around like a worried guard dog), but she hardly seemed to notice if I was or was not there. Her family eventually stopped pestering me to fix things and instead began hounding Akane trying to find the answer to her behavior. Surprisingly, she kept very distant even while being badgered. She never got mad or gave any clue to why she was acting so weird. It was the opposite behavior anyone who even remotely knew Akane would expect. I just kept holding out hope that maybe next month she would return to normal.

Akane:

I was so tired of everyone and everything. I was tired of having to make everyone feel at ease. As selfish as it was I didn't care if everyone worried themselves gray. I had nightmares so often I hadn't been able to get a full night of sleep since school had started again. My grades had slipped tremendously, but no one knew - not yet anyway. I went to see Dr. Tofu often to get checkups on my wound. I had come up with a cover story of a martial artist battle with an absolute insane mind who after defeating me carved the word "mine" into my back. He told me to call the authorities immediately. I said that I already had Ranma on a mission to get him, but that it was best never to be mentioned because it was a rough topic for both Ranma and I. He never brought it up at any of my future appointments and I always kept my silence, as I often did nowadays. I had stopped crying from nightmares because it had almost become a routine. The overwhelming feeling of constant fear just kind of absorbed into my life. This particular night though the nightmare was so dreadful tears were streaming from my face. Thankfully I didn't yell in my nightmares or my family would be even more aware that something was wrong. I was in pain though… horrible, awful, and soul-crushing mental pain. It was like my entire existence wrapped around one incident...one mistake. Then I heard a tapping at the window that sent my nerves into a panic. I stood up immediately ready for any kind of fight. Only to see little P-Chan shivering outside my window. I thrusted it open and picked up the cold black piglet. Oh, little P-Chan it gets so chilly at night. What are you doing out there? Where have you been? I said. I felt so strongly relieved at the sight of little P-chan. I felt alone with my humiliation and I dared not tell anyone, but maybe with P-Chan, it would be alright. I could already imagine sympathetic eyes and tentative steps wherever I went. If I told a single human soul my secret, eventually the whole world would know. I sat on the side of my bed holding P-Chan with the chilly wind caressing my skin. In desperation and loneliness, a strange willingness to talk of buried secrets came bubbling out of my mouth. P-Chan couldn't tell anyone - I just needed someone to pour out my pain to. So in the dead of night through whispered shaky words I told P-Chan everything. When I was all done I swear it looked like that little pig was crying too. I held him until I cried myself to sleep - when I woke up he was nowhere to be found. I laid for a moment and then heard Kasumi call for Ranma and I. I stood up not bothering to change into my uniform. Ranma had been extra attentive towards me since I had gotten back from my trip and even more so since school had started. He would talk to Ukyo, but the minute I was in sight he would come directly towards me. I knew he was giving me so much attention because he was worried and not because he wanted badly to be in my company. In fact, it seemed that Ukyo felt that I was doing this on purpose to glom Ranma to me, that it was some kind of manipulative move on my part. I didn't care what she thought, though, in the past, someone thinking me capable of such a lowly move would have been infuriating. I was far too tired to care - if she said it to my face I would probably tell her that it was true - and look Ranma directly in the eyes as I said it, then walk away. I was too consumed in my own unhappiness to give a damn - if that occurred at least Ranma would leave me alone. During the day, it was Ghost Akane, but at night, the real Akane would return and be weak to the ruthless whims of her dreams. As I lumbered down the stairs I missed P-Chan something horrible. I just wanted to hold him and feel his warmth. I felt closer to him than all of cruel humanity. I turned the corner and Ranma was standing there with a piece of bread in his hand offering me a slice. Thanks, I responded and took the bread. There was a knock at the door, it must have made me visibly stiffen because of the way Ranma looked at me. Then he went quickly to answer the door. I was incredibly paranoid...what if it was the monster at the door? My legs tightened with the expectation of having to make a run for it. I turned quick as the door opened, it was Ryoga. His face was blotchy and red with tear lines dug into his face. His eyes were swollen from clearly many hours of crying. I knew Ryoga was a sensitive emotional guy, but I had never seen him look so bad. Ranma looked just as shocked at Ryoga's appearance. Ryoga slowly put a hand to his mouth to hold it back from shaking as more tears spilled from his eyes. He wasn't looking at Ranma though… he was looking at me. Ranma was then looking back and forth from me to him


	4. Chapter 4

Ranma:

The whole family's attention was on Ryoga and Akane. I kept switching my gaze back and forth between them in my confusion as to what was going on. Akane's facial expression was pretty unreadable other than the fact that she was indeed shocked, but because of the way Ryoga was looking at her - I felt like there should be more than just shock on her face. Something was going on. My mind was racing… Akane had been acting weird for a while now and Ryoga shows up… more emotional than I had ever seen him. That just couldn't be a coincidence. Akane's voice trickled through the tense air sounding more expressive than it had in months. "Ryoga, are you okay?" she said it with sweet sincere concern - it having been so long since last I had heard her speak like... 'herself' that it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up and goosebumps litter my body. Ryoga took tentative steps towards her with his arms outstretched, while repeatedly saying "I'm so sorry Akane, I am so sorry." Ryoga's voice cracked with each word he spoke. Akane didn't move - her eyes were incredibly wide, with huge waves of different emotions washing behind them. Ryoga timidly was wrapping his arms around Akane - it was extremely clear to me that Ryoga was aware that she had a wound on her back just by the way he gingerly placed his arms around her. Ryoga placed Akane's head into his chest and said: "Akane, you are strong, independent, beautiful, kindhearted, caring, considerate, responsible, brave and most of all Akane - you are you… and that's perfect. Your family, your friends, everyone - including me, love you with everything we have - and nothing you could ever do...no mistake you think you made - could ever change how we all view you because we love you unconditionally." Ryoga's voice may have cracked, but there was tremendous strength in each word that left his tongue.

The minute Ryoga stopped talking - the terrible high pitched sound of painful wails began filling the house. Shaking pale hands came out from behind Ryoga's frame - that then balled into fists with Ryoga's yellow shirt material tightly crushed between dainty Akane fingers. I had seen and heard Akane cry plenty of times, but never had the sound been so painful. It sounded like she had found out a loved one had died, that she had a terminal illness, and that she was about to be tortured.

The way Akane clung desperately to Ryoga - it was like they were lovers. The crying didn't last long, but it was done with such vehemence that no matter the length of time that had passed - everyone knew Akane was in soul-crushing pain. Silence weighed down the room like a cinder block attached to a swimmer's ankle. Akane had sat down against the wall and Ryoga was holding her hand. Seeing Akane cry like that was probably the most painful thing I had ever seen and heard. My insides felt heavy with numerous self-destructive emotions. It seemed almost inconceivable to feel so much at one time, but one thing that stuck out - was the feeling of being angry. I knew I shouldn't be angry, but I couldn't stand that whatever was wrong - Akane hadn't come to me for help. Even more unreasonable - I felt jealous at the way Ryoga seemed to have insider's knowledge and was being the knight in shining armor.

I was just about to say something stupid - when Akane looked up… she looked dreadful. She was dreadfully pale - her cheeks were sunken in - and her eyes looked...dead. I glanced over to get a sense of what the rest of the family was thinking, everyone looked just plain shellshocked. Except, of course, Nabiki - although she definitely looked worried, but more so - she just looked extremely furious. "What in the serious fuck is going on!? Akane, we are done playing games! You have us all so worried we're ready to pull our hair out - and of all people - Ryoga knows? Are you dying Akane? Is that it!? Do you have some terminal illness? Is that why you keep going to Dr. Tofu's clinic all the time? You do realize, as your family, we have a right to know if someone we love is dying - right!? Right?!" Even though Nabiki's words were harsh it was pretty clear to me that she was saying what everyone felt in the room. I was angry that Akane had put the burden of keeping the injury on her back a secret, but I had never considered that in some way it could be killing her. The idea of Akane dying spread an icy wave of deep anxiety through my system. I could not even entertain the thought of living life knowing that Akane died from a wound she got in a martial arts battle, while I was away. Guilt spread through my brain reminding me that it was very likely that Akane's current state was my fault.

Akane:

What an idiot fool I had been to cry like a maniac in front of everyone. I could see the fright in everyone's eyes. I couldn't understand what just happened, even if I had seen it through someone else's eyes. Why did Ryoga say that to me? Did Ranma tell him that I had been injured in a martial arts fight and that it had severely wounded my pride and back? Did Ranma and Ryoga think I was that depressed from losing that fight - that Ryoga cried for me? That Ryoga would go so far as to say… those honeyed words that made my heart break? It was clear from the way Ryoga hugged me that he knew I had a wound. The only people who knew that - were Dr. Tofu and Ranma. It seemed far more likely that Ranma told Ryoga. Nabiki's words were like hands around my neck stealing every ounce of air away from me. While her eyes looked down at me as though she had no idea why I couldn't speak. Ryoga squeezed my hand and turned to me with kind watery pained eyes. "Akane, your family will still love you." I was confused, what was he saying? What was it that he wanted me to say? That I was wounded from some battle? That the loss had depressed me? I knew everyone was worried - I knew I was being selfish, but it was so hard to think about anyone else when a monster held my tongue and desecrated my mind. I needed to say something to get them all off my back. Anything. It didn't matter what it was, as long as everyone was satisfied. I bargained with my inner self that if they told me what to say, that I would feign exuberance from this point on. That I would make sure my family was happy as long as they never ever found out, my now, darkest secret - but nothing came. I just sat in silence as my whole family stared at me expectantly. Nabiki's shrill voice interrupted my internal begging. "Well? Do you have anything to say?"

My mind went even blanker than it already had been and all I could squeeze out was: "No." This aching coldness, and the wish for death, over the impending interrogation that was bound to happen, swept over me. I felt like I was being threatened by a school bully who told me that he was going to play a video of me wetting the bed in front of the whole class. That any minute my whole family was going to see how I said the monster's name when he told me to, how I begged him just the way he liked, and how I completely and utterly gave into him. The humiliation was sweeping over me and draining my will to suck in another breath. Why did this have to happen to me? Why?! WHY!? Ryoga squeezed my hand again, bringing me back to from the depths of my mental hell. Ryoga's voice quivered out: "You need to tell your family what happened when you went to that resort - they need the truth and you need help." His eyes held affection as though he were trying to lift me up into warm clouds. Fear and shock from his statement wiggled its way through my entire body. I swear I could see the pity in his eyes, it was as though he knew the truth. There's no way he could know, but the fear of the idea of him knowing was so powerful that I dropped his hand and began backing away across the floor from him.

Then, and I never thought I'd think this, but Shampoo saved me by bursting into my house and landing right on Ryoga's head. "Nihao Ranma! Ranma no go school! Ranma take Shampoo to date!" Behind the hole Shampoo created in our wall, stood Ukyo, with some food item. In mere seconds, the two of them were both hanging on Ranma and ruthlessly insulting one another. Ranma did not appear to be in any mood for this behavior, but I didn't care to stick around and watch them love all over my fiance. It disgusted me to know that jealousy was still rampant inside my broken soul. Ryoga was laying on the floor knocked out because of the impact of Shampoo's knees to his skull. I began to slip up the stairs, desperate to escape whatever ridiculousness that was about to ensue. I felt a hand on my wrist, "Oh no you don't, you're not going to escape this conversation." It was Nabiki. "Leave me alone, Nabiki." Her face looked so distraught at my words. As though I had verbally slapped her. "Why are you being so selfish Akane? Everyone is so worried." Her voice got softer then: "You don't have to tell us everything, just give the dog a bone will ya?" Guilt swept through me immediately because I knew I was going to lie to her face. "I had a challenge battle. I lost. I am injured and ill because of it, but my life isn't threatened. I am going to be okay, please don't worry." Her eyes betrayed that she was angry, but her face tried to remain soft for the moment. Her voice was tight with restrained anger

"You desperately guarded that secret? Are you serious, Akane? We have all been agonizing over what's wrong with you because you didn't have the decency to tell us anything and it's because... you lost and got injured in a challenge battle? Akane, we don't care if you've lost! We thought you were dying! Do you think words like 'please don't worry' are a band-aid to all the nights I laid up being concerned about you? No wonder Ranma went off with Ukyo, you're pride is more important than your damn family and him." Even she had to know that was a low blow...right? "Yeah well money is more important to you than our family, what's the difference?" She didn't even look remotely stunned at my statement. "I would never leave my family in a state of constant anxiety or worry for money. I'd never make Kasumi cry over money, but you and your pride are more important than all of us apparently. You make me sick." With that final statement, she turned around and stalked off. When I glanced around the room I saw everyone staring at us. I heard Shampoo's coy voice say: "You leave dramatic cry baby girl, Ranma? Marry foreign beauty like me, yes?"

Ranma didn't respond though, even as Shampoo practically rubbed her body up and down his. He just stared at me - wide-eyed. I wondered what I looked like, probably shit. Ukyo was staring at me too - her eyes looked both wide and concerned. As I looked at the whole scene I could practically feel my heart breaking. Lucky me, I have Ranma's eyes on me, finally, too bad I had to give the devil half my soul first. Luck doesn't seem to be something that sticks around for me, though, because as I stood there, practically on a stage in front of everyone - I felt a stinging on my back that turned into a... sense of... the underneath of my skin being on fire. It was as though a disease from inside me had wormed its way to the back of my body and was cauterizing me from within. The nausea from the abuse of the pain was so strong - that my body knocked me to my knees and I vomited in front of everyone. I started screaming because I couldn't hold in how quickly the pain was scorching me. Was my entire body wounded? Was I covered in thousands of scratches? Was someone running a blow torch down every single one of my limbs? I wondered briefly if maybe, just maybe, I might die. That would be a blessing. Then everything just went black.

When I woke up, I could already smell that I was at Dr. Tofu's clinic. I opened my eyes slowly to see that my entire family was scrawled out sleeping all over the place. I glanced to the left to see Ranma with his head down on the bed. He was holding my hand.

Ranma:

The sound of Akane stirring woke me up, but I didn't want to move. I didn't want to disturb her, not even in the slightest. I had seen so much pain etched across her face yesterday that it was haunting everything I thought about, no matter how much I tried to distract myself. She'd been knocked out since yesterday morning and it was a little past midnight now. Dr. Tofu said he had gotten her under control, but he wouldn't explain her condition to any of us, except for Akane's dad. It had something to do with privacy, but when they both came in - Soun didn't seem in the mood to talk. He'd aged quite a bit since Akane had come back from her trip. The stress of her distance and behavior had taken a serious toll on him, although, it was hard for everyone. I knew that at least it was ripping me up on the inside. I daydreamed about revenge when I wasn't drowning in worry over Akane. I wanted to kill the damn bastard who'd injured Akane so severely.

Akane's hand squeeze startled me out of my thoughts. "Idiot." I heard her say, but it sounded affectionate - it was more emotion than I had heard from her towards me in a while. I was about to squeeze her hand back when I heard her say: "I love you, Ranma" but… the tone sounded more like she was telling me goodbye. It was elegiac and distant, and right after she said it - she pulled her hand out of mine. It felt like I had lost her and she was going to disappear into mist, like the little mermaid. I didn't move for the longest time, not until I could hear a rhythm to her breathing that reaffirmed to me that she was sleeping. I was so afraid to look up and see an empty bed, that her breathing was nothing more than my mind imagining it to comfort me. I forced myself to turn and look at her. Looking at her sleeping form made my throat ache from holding back the urge to cry. In that moment, I decided that once she was out of the clinic that I would propose marriage to her. I needed to save her - that's all that mattered to me now.

Akane:

Apparently, my wound had become infected and they had to put me under to remove some of the diseased flesh, but I was told that I'd be okay. Now the skin on my back was deformed and the word "mine" was still visible. Great. Just great. Dr. Tofu had told my dad about my injury after I was brought here and after many days of treatment my dad had then told the rest of my family. Dr. Tofu had shared the story I had told him about how I had gotten the wound. So far, I had not had to explain anything and no one had asked me any questions. Although, I slept most of the time, and when I was awake it was usually at night - so it's possible I had just successfully avoided questions because of my behavior. I had been in the clinic for about a week now, so my friends from school had started visiting. I was scolded multiple times that I was a girl and I shouldn't go out and search for fights like I do. I was more smiley and friendly than I had been in awhile. I had decided that I was going to feign enthusiasm for life. That if I was going to distance myself from everyone I needed it to not be noticeable… or I'd never be able to get away with it. I would plaster positivity in every single thing I did - and then one day, everyone would leave me alone. If they perceived everything as being alright - they'd grow tired of their doting on me. Friends said they were glad to see me gaining my spirits back and that I should've kept better care of my injuries etc. My family seemed slightly uncomfortable, but extremely relieved as well. Everyone appeared to be on the road to recovery from the chains I had locked them all with. I could see imaginary keys unlocking my friends and family from the pain and worry of the bothersome Akane, but no such freedom came for me. When I looked at my ankles it seemed that instead of attaining freedom, I had gained another set of chains instead.

"Okay, Akane, it looks like you'll be able to go home today." Dr. Tofu seemed in better spirits today than he had during the week. I was glad. "Thanks to your wonderful treatment ." I tried my best to keep the promise of permanent cheerfulness to myself. He smiled one of his beautiful caring smiles. My sister Kasumi was lucky to have such a good man to love her.

Ranma had been acting weird since I had entered the clinic. He was always watching me. He was ridiculously attentive, he seemed to know exactly when I needed to go to the bathroom or when I was hungry/thirsty. It was starting to freak me out. I had looked over and seen Ranma once again staring. "Take a picture Ranma, it'll last longer." Ranma didn't even flinch. "Now, now Akane, Ranma is just worried - no need to be so callous." I heard Kasumi's innocent voice say. I rolled my eyes - It felt like a familiar thing that the old me would do. "You seem to back to your old self." I heard Nabiki's rather oddly indifferent voice say. I just remained silent, I didn't feel like talking to Nabiki. Ranma helped me stand up to go the bathroom to change back into street clothes. Afterward, he offered me his hand to help me walk down the stairs. I kept convincing myself that he was doing this out of worry and not because he had romantic feelings for me. Hope was something I dreaded catching - I could not live through any more heartbreak.

When the warm sun hit my skin after we were outside - I felt a thousand times better. I looked up to see Ryoga standing in front of me with flowers in his hands. He didn't say anything... but handed them to me rather awkwardly. "Ryoga, this is truly sweet of you to get me these - thank you." He just nodded in response. His eyes were dark when I looked back at him from the flowers. He was looking at Ranma with murderous intent. I had no idea what came over me, but I reached out and put my hand on Ryoga's chest - then I slid my hand up to the side of his face. I tilted his head to look at me. "Ryoga, what's done is done and no one is to blame but me. Ranma isn't responsible for my well-being, so smile Ryoga, because it is your words that have helped me realize that everything is going to be okay." He took a step back from me, tears filling his eyes - he turned his head to the side to try and hide it. "You're lying Akane Tendo, you're lying." In that brief second of time - Ryoga turned back to me - tenderly he put his hand on the small of my back and daintily pulled me towards him. He placed his other hand on the back of my head and whispered into my ear "The man who carved this into your back doesn't own you Akane." I felt his finger speedily trace down the vulnerably raw area of my back. "I love you, no matter who has touched you." Then he kissed my forward, looked straight into my eyes and said out loud for everyone to hear: "I love you, Akane Tendo."

I dropped the flowers.


	5. Chapter 5

Ranma:

I could not believe Ryoga had the balls to confess to Akane. I wasn't the only one in total shock, the whole family had silenced. You could have heard a pin drop. Rage was sprinting through my system and I didn't even know why, but when I looked at Akane her facial expression looked… horrified? The way she looked stopped me right in my tracks, because I was about to punch Ryoga out of the atmosphere. Then it hit me… Ryoga had whispered in her ear...what did he say? Then the rage was back. I ripped the stupid piglet boy away from her and lifted him up by his collar. "What the hell did you just say to her Ryoga!" He twisted away from my grip and gave me a look that could not be described as anything else but pure hatred. "You have NO right to criticize anything I say Ranma! When everything that comes out of your crude mouth is shit that makes Akane cry! You're a piece of shit! You are such a fool - you're so cocky! I bet you've been thinking that your marriage to Akane was a burden! Well, guess what, I know for a fact she won't ever marry you. You might have convinced yourself that she's in love with you, but you'd be wrong. Arrogant asshole. Maybe she was once, but you'd be dreaming to think she looks at you as anything else other than a guy who lives in her house and flirts with every woman on the street. Now she sees you for what are." For the first time Ryoga's angry ramblings had rendered me speechless. I had never seen him look at me with such disgust. Akane's squeaky voice then came through the thick tense air: "Ryoga, how..hhow..hhhoow do you know? Whatt yoou said in..nn my ear? What..WHAT do you know!?" I hadn't thought it possible, but the air became even more exhaustingly heavy. "Akane, do not fear what anyone else thinks. I will love you regardless. I will wait for your answer." With those parting words he pushed me from him and jumped away. I turned towards Akane expecting her to be facing me, but instead she was walking back in the direction of our house. All I could think to myself was why had things become this way?

I turned and screamed at Ryoga in my fury that he better never show his face near me again or he'd be sorry. As soon as I was done yelling I felt empty. It felt like Ryoga had stolen all the air out of my lungs. His words floating around in my head… as well as what happened with him and Akane. She looked so… haunted… what the fuck does he know that I don't? I couldn't imagine Ryoga ever trying to hurt Akane or using a secret of hers against her… but with the way things looked… it appeared like Ryoga was crueler than I imagined? I began chasing after Akane to catch up to her, leaving the rest of the stunned family behind. As I got closer I could see Akane's shoulders shaking. I felt my feet turn to ice and freeze me in place - she was crying. I was so bad at dealing with crying girls, especially Akane. I called out in a hushed voice: "Akane…?" I watched her stop in her tracks. I felt the anxiety and fear of her reaction course through my blood. Akane had become unpredictable. To think I had thought the buff manly girl only reacted with her fists, but now she could just look at me with soulless eyes and it was enough to make me putty in her hands. She didn't turn around, but I desperately wanted to stop the trembling of her body. I walked over an inch at a time. Akane was like a wild chipmunk, one wrong step and she'd be gone. I gently placed my arms around her shivering form. I wouldn't dare speak because it would be a sure fire way to ruin everything. Then Akane's tender voice interrupted my thoughts: "Ranma, I'm okay now - please let go." I swiftly retreated my arms back to my sides. The rejection in her voice towards my comfort dropped my heart like a stone thrown into a river. "Akane, why are you pushing me away?" She turned around so suddenly that I gasped lightly. How effeminate of me. Her eyes were solemn - swirling vortexes of penance. I couldn't understand why she looked like that. My mind was barren of anything to say as I just stared at… my fiance, who looked crushed at being alive. "You're accusing me of pushing you away? This must be some kind of bad joke. Sure, I have gotten angry easily, but you always chose others to be around you, over me. If anything you have been pushing me away!" I was dumbstruck, of course, I avoided her because she was always jealous and getting angry. Any sane person would avoid the kind of person who behaved that way. "I am talking about here and now Akane, not about the past. You are unhappy, let me help you." She was staring at me, eyes full of emotions, but I could see the swimming of the familiar emotion of anger that Akane often used as her default reaction to everything. "Stop playing with me Ranma." Her voice was bubbling over like an angry tea kettle. "Are you serious Akane? Do I HAVE to be married to you for anything I say to be legitimate? FINE! Let's get married then. I'll pay attention to you and only you. Will you be happy then? Will you FINALLY be happy?" All the anger dissipated from her face and what remained was… nothing. No readable emotion was present on her face. It was as though she needed to put all emotions away before she responded to what I said. "Do you love me Ranma?" Her voice was tense and anxious, which was surprising to my ears considering her facial expression appeared indifferent to my very existence. I just stared at her and didn't know what to say. I do love her… but I'm not in love with her… I think...at least not as vehemently as her? I just stared like an idiot and watched humiliation crawl its way across a face that was trying desperately to hide it. Why had I suggested marriage so quickly? Why hadn't I waited? Why did I have such bad timing? I just wanted to help, but all I ever did for Akane was hurt her. Ryoga was right about me. "Akane, I do love you, but I am not….. in love with you. I will learn to love you, as you do me Akane, please just let me help you." She looked shocked for a mere second and then it was gone, replaced by an air of insouciance. "Ranma, I could never marry you, even if you were in love with me, because just like you, I have been cursed." What the hell was that supposed to mean? I watched her feet swivel, she was no longer facing me - once again walking towards the house. I ran towards her and gripped her shoulders. "What the fuck does that mean Akane?! Cursed?! By what?! When?!" I walked around to face her, but no matter what I shouted at her pale face, she said nothing. Finally, I picked her up and began racing towards the house. I was tired of street eyes watching me yell at, what they would perceive as, a defenseless girl. I slammed opened her window and placed Akane on her bed. I looked her directly in the eyes, I was close, our noses were a mere centimeter away from touching. "Was it Shampoo? Was it Cologne? Tell me Akane!? Why are you always like this? Why does everything have to be difficult with you? Can't you work with me here, please?! I want to help you." She had turned her head away from me. "Get out of my room."

"Fine! Whatever then! See if I ever offer my help to you ever again!" I was angry…. I wanted to punch a hole in every wall of the house, but unlike Akane, I actually controlled my fists when I was angry. I jumped out the window, no way could I stay near Akane right now. It was like I could never be honest with what I was feeling or thinking with Akane. If it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she was going to punish me with her "silent treatment" or her "fists of furry." It never mattered how good my intentions were. I was never trying to directly hurt her feelings ever! "FUCK THIS" I yelled to no one in particular.

Then it hit me…. Maybe it was Ryoga who cursed Akane… and if he didn't curse her, he at least would know who did. I began to head in the direction of where I last saw Ryoga.

Akane:

I laid in my bed after Ranma left and pleaded for sleep. Ranma had misinterpreted my "curse" to being a literal one like his, and that was completely my fault. I was an idiot. I was hurt. I wanted to reject him in some way back. This ugly cold ache to hurt him for hurting me had lingered in my heart. Now I felt guilty and disgusted with myself. He was willing to marry me and learn to love me, even though he didn't see me in a romantic way. I had locked him up with worry over me and that's why he was willing to marry me. If he ever found out the truth… he may hate me… or he may blame himself and drag his feet into marrying me to take care of the broken fucked up person I had become. I started to get that tight feeling in my throat and lungs… oh please, oh god, please I don't want to cry. Just let me sleep.

My mind wouldn't dare give me the blessing of rest. That would be far too kind. Instead, my thoughts drifted to what Ryoga said. The monster had said he owned me, and it deeply frightened me when Ryoga had said that the man who carved into me didn't... "own" me. It felt like he knew the truth, but there is no way he could. The word on my back… did say "mine" and that was a clue... of ownership? It was more likely Ryoga said that to me because of context clues, and not because he was aware of my secret. Every time he spoke to me, though… it seemed like he knew. The idea was spine-chilling.

Noises of my family entering the house filled my ears. I heard Ranma and my name being called. I was in no mood to talk. They were probably itching to dive head first into chastising me for my pride, for keeping my "battle" and wound a secret. I was too tired. I didn't want to see or hear a goddamn hair on their heads or a word from their mouths. I climbed out my window.

Then the thought of looking for Ryoga leaped into my head. I needed to talk to him about the things he said. I needed to know exactly what he knew, and most of all, I needed to know the seriousness of his confession….

Ryoga:

I was lost. Again. I sat in an alley next to some grocery store. I needed to think. I had never been filled with hatred like this in my life. I wanted to kill every man that walked by because one of those fuckers could be the man that hurt Akane. Never had I been grateful for my curse that turned me into P-chan, other than that night. Akane probably would never have told anyone, but that information needed to be known. She needed help and this fucking disgusting piece of shit that hurt her needed to be dead, and it was going to be by my bare fucking hands. I thought of the feeling of her small hot sweaty hands on my body as she shivered in sadness. She told me everything. She told me how guilty she felt for doing… unspeakable things to stay alive. She'd been trapped by him for about a week. She...told me everything. "FUCK" I yelled as tears slipped down my face. I hated Ranma too. She told me why she went to the resort, to get away from the pain and continuous rejection she felt from Ranma. Ranma was a fucking coward. He didn't WANT Akane, but he didn't want to give her up either. Selfish stupid prick.

Out of nowhere, my attention was caught by some teenage boys from the local high school whispering about a martial arts master who had recently been challenging a surplus of dojos… and apparently had quite a winning streak. Guess the guy hadn't lost a single challenge.

"Yeah, I hear the guy is really popular with the ladies, once he beats a dojo owner he takes their wives on these fabulous dates, he usually leaves them and the dojos, though. Just drops everything and goes onto the next dojo. He's strong like an ox, but pretty like a girl. Least that's what I've heard. It's all really weird honestly."

"Seriously? I wonder if he'll challenge the Tendo dojo? I hear Ranma is a damn good martial artist - I can't really see him losing."

"I think the guy's name was Ichiro Sato and I heard he was heading to this area next, guess we'll be finding out soon enough how good Ranma really is."

"It's nice that the guy doesn't take the dojos, though. He gives them right back to the people he's defeated as long as he can treat their wife "how they're supposed to be treated."

"That's kind of weird, though, I guess it's nice, but how does the guy know that the wife isn't being treated well?"

"Not a clue, that is his thing apparently, he challenges the dojos of husbands who neglect their wives."

"Well, I guess he'll DEFINITELY be challenging the Tendo dojo, everyone knows those two do not get along."

I couldn't help but grimace at their conversation. Anytime people mentioned Akane and Ranma as though they were already "husband and wife" it disgusted me. Even worse though was the terrible timing, some random fuckwad may challenge the dojo when everything about that household right now was in shambles. Plus, I didn't want some random casanova putting his paws on my damaged Akane. She needed compassion and comfort from people who loved her, not random nobodies who wanted to take her to nice restaurants and give her expensive jewelry. I wondered to myself if the guy could be reasoned with. That maybe I could find him and discourage him from challenging the Tendo dojo, if, in fact, it was in his sights.

Akane:

I wondered around aimlessly. Ryoga seemed to me, usually, easy to find, but apparently, when it was really important to find someone... that's when it was impossible. I decided to go down by the waterway and sit under the bridge. Just a small rest and then I could resume my search for Ryoga. What a big mistake that was - being left alone with my mind that seemed desperate to torture me with unwanted thoughts. Inner Akane came wiggling from the depths of the most ugliest of my thoughts. She was mangled and deformed from having lived within the confined abyss, dominated by the nightmares of real life monsters. "You're not even a whisper in Ranma's thoughts, but he's screaming constantly in yours. You're a fool for that Akane Tendo - a total and complete fool. He said it! He said he didn't love you, he said it to your face! You know now for sure! No more hiding behind hope! You know that if he had to choose that he'd choose Ukyo, never you. There is NO escape. Soak in how much that hurts, bathe in the suffering of that realization. Don't deny anything. He will never be in love with you Akane. You have been telling yourself that you don't need Ranma, but the truth is he doesn't need you and never has." I knew that inner Akane wasn't an independent life form, that it was all me- just talking to myself in my head. It was my brain trying to reason with my heart, and I gave them the ability of language so my soul could understand. I always knew something was amiss. I knew from the beginning he wasn't hopelessly in love with me. He didn't lay awake during the night desiring my affections or follow all my movements with his eyes - notice the lustful sway of my body or my longing loving stare. He didn't get goosebumps from my unexpected touch or cry at the realization that he was in love with someone who loved another. I did, though. I laid awake. I followed his every move and watched his eyes light up at the sight of Ukyo. I felt my skin prickle from the lightest graze our skin, and, most of all, I cried knowing that he loved another.

The pain was too much. I cried until I heaved. I heaved until I was empty. I was so empty that I wanted to die. I laid there for hours, the world was just too cruel.

Ryoga:

I sat at the side of the grocery store contemplating how to contact the "oh so famous" martial artist to see if the Tendo dojo was on his radar. I kept getting stumped at how do I find the guy without getting lost. I had been at this for hours, trying to draw maps of the town in the dirt - that way I could find my way around. Once again I was distracted from my thoughts by some noise. It was surprising how easily I could lose my train of thought. The noise, though...It sounded like… Akane's voice…? "Ryoga, is that you?" I felt my heart begin to pump way more than ever would be necessary, and my face starting to heat up. I remembered my desire to help her that led me to my confession - in front of her ENTIRE family! Now she's here… in the flesh, and I don't think my heart can take it. The fact that she found me so fast, means to me, that she is most likely going to turn me down. It didn't even take her more than one full day of thinking over it, but I understood. She loves Ranma, and she has too good of a heart to accept my proposal when she doesn't feel the same for me. If that indeed was the case, it was more touching than I could bare. "Yeah, it's me Akane." I turn around to face someone I considered the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. "Can we go talk somewhere more private?" Her tentative voice asked. It was so adorable it gave me chills. "Wanna go by the waterway?" She smiled, it was one of those shy smiles that can make a man feel the animal instinct to want to dominate the girl's attention (aka: to show off). "Sure." Her cute little voice was like tiny cupid arrows hitting me in the ears. Akane had more power over me than anyone in the world and with the sound of her voice, she could melt my heart. How Ranma did not appreciate her attentions on him, was incredibly baffling. He's was an imbecile.


	6. Chapter 6

Ranma:

I ran around desperately looking for Ryoga. After awhile I started to get famished and because I was so angry at Akane, it made me feel even more ravenous. I just wanted to pour endless bowls of soup down my throat and eat a million noodles. In the end, I decided to go to Ukyo's shop. Besides she could probably help me through my thoughts. The minute I walked through the door of her food shop her face lit up like a Christmas tree. She immediately began preparing food for me, in a very, 'I'm a doting wife' kind of way.

"You look tired - are you okay?" Ukyo asked in her sweet overly concerned voice. Before I knew it I was blabbing a mile a minute: "It's not that I'm tired, I'm mostly just angry, frustrated, and stressed. Akane has been driving me up a wall but in a totally new way. Instead of beating me half to death out of jealousy - she walks around like a broken windup doll. She won't let anyone including me help her in even the tiniest way. Ryoga went and whispered something in her ear and proposed to her. She freaked out. I tried to talk to her and ended up saying all the wrong things and hurt her. Then she told me she was cursed and now I'm trying to find that stupid idiot Ryoga to find out what he knows about her curse because she wouldn't tell me anything."

Ukyo's face looked genuinely concerned, one of the many things that made her such a good friend. She was always ready to listen and care. "I know this may seem like me jumping the gun here, but maybe I could search her room and see if there isn't some clue to what her curse might be? Sometimes you give up the right of privacy when you make your family and loved ones worried." Ukyo said this with a weak and sad smile - it was such an unexpectedly solemn face that it hurt me to look at her. I turned away in my haste. She was right though, maybe there would be some clue and at the moment I was pretty desperate for answers. "When exactly would… you want to do this?" I responded cautiously. I felt dirty discussing raiding Akane's room, and from Ukyo's consistently awkward facial expressions I would say she must have been feeling similarly.

"I am not sure. I guess the best time would be whenever we knew that Akane wouldn't be in her room?" Ukyo says this with a reserved tone. "The only absolute guaranteed time would be when she is at school," I say solemnly. "Well, is there any way she isn't at home now?" Ukyo's response surprised me because I would have thought the invasion of privacy that she was suggesting would bother her more.

"Well, you could head over there now? Just to check? I want to find Ryoga - so I think it would be best to go separately? What do you think?" I say in a withdrawn manner. This didn't feel right at all, but if Akane really was cursed in some way she might not be able to actually tell us what was wrong. I hear a light sigh from Ukyo - and it makes me look up. "I want to help.. So I will do this, but it feels wrong."

" I understand. This doesn't feel good, but I just want to see if we can find out what or who has cursed Akane."

"I guess we will separate then - do you want to meet back here around 10 to discuss what knowledge we have gained?

"Sounds good. Thanks again Ukyo, you're a lifesaver." I say with a feeling of relief. It feels nice to have someone on my side and ready to help me, while even putting themselves at risk.

Ukyo:

When I got to the Tendo dojo I could hear Akane's family eating. It appeared that breaking into her room would be fairly easy. Everything about the current situation felt incredibly messed up. I honestly really wanted to know what was going on with Akane. She might never be someone I would consider a friend - and I wouldn't really think of her as someone I personally would ever have gotten along with, but I certainly didn't want her to fall apart because of some stupid curse. To any reasonably observant person, it was clear to see that Akane had feelings for Ranma. I sometimes would even feel guilty when he'd stop at my shop or when I would make romantic advances at him, but… I loved him too. It was hard to feel sorry for her when she was the main fiancée and she got to live with Ranma.

Yet, even with that advantage she somehow found a way to mess it up. She had the least amount of reasons, and despite this, she acted the most jealous of all the fiancées. She got to spend the most time with him, that just didn't make any sense to me. I couldn't understand why she continuously pushed Ranma away with her jealousy. It would make me bitter towards her when Ranma would come into my shop - his whole day ruined because of ANOTHER fight with Akane. I knew my marriage to Ranma has a slim chance of succeeding since his father wanted him to marry Akane. It would be so much easier for me to give him up if I knew he was marrying someone who would treat him right and make him happy. With Akane though, I had no such comfort. As prideful as Akane was though I knew something actually serious was going on with her. She didn't act anything like the rival I knew.

When I walked into her room it seemed almost untouched - it seemed weird that a teenager girl lived in hear. Everything was immaculate - the bed was made and not a single thing was out of place. It would be safe to make the assumption made she had just recently cleaned, but for some reason I doubted it. I had this gut feeling that she just hadn't moved or touched anything in a long while. There was a thin layer of dust on her desk - all her books and trinkets hadn't been moved in a while. If she had recently cleaned I don't think there would be dust on anything. This made me feel a paranoia that she would notice if I moved anything. If I picked up anything I would have to put it exactly back as to not disturb the dust. My eyes settled on her school satchel. Since that was often moved and wasn't coated with dust it seemed like a good start. I slowly pulled the latch - and grabbed out some of her school supplied. I decided to look in her folder first. I found something that really shocked me a BUNCH of assignments that were past their due dates. Akane was an exceptional student, everyone knew that. Now without a doubt, I knew something was up considering she wasn't doing her homework. Akane was the type to work hard in school. Although, her slacking at school didn't give an indication of what was actually wrong with her, just that she had become unmotivated, but why?

Next, my eyes settled on a what looked like a notebook. I grabbed it and on the front, it said "Private Journal." Technically, that name would elude to it being a diary, but I tried to keep that in the back of my mind. I stood there staring at it deciding whether or not I wanted to read it or not. It was an ethical battle in my head of whether or not this was even worth it to me. I didn't really want to even know Akane's private thoughts/feelings. I just wanted to help Ranma by finding out what cursed her.

I opened it slowly - that eerie guilt feeling laid in my gut making me feel slightly nauseated. I tried to comfort myself by saying that I was 'just trying to help.'

(I am sorry for taking so long to update. College takes a lot of my free time. I really hope that since I am only taking once class over the summer that I will be able to update faster. Thanks for your patience.)


	7. Chapter 7

Shampoo:

I hadn't seen Ranma since the... incident. I had never really seen someone in so much physical pain before… like when I saw Akane pass out when I went to visit Ranma. I had beaten people to a pulp. I was a fighter - and a good one at that. I had brought people to the near brink of death and yet nothing seemed to compare to the looks Akane showed on her face. The idea of whatever pain she was feeling being so excruciating as to contort her facial expression into such haunting looks…. Made the memory easily evocative. Her face kept popping into my head while I would go out on deliveries and while I swept the floor. It would happen before I went to bed, when I woke up, and even while my grandmother taught me martial art techniques. It had become almost inescapable.

Much to the dismay of my grandmother, I had not visited Ranma since the incident because I was ACTUALLY nervous about seeing Akane. It pissed me off to no end that I was being so deeply affected by a person I hated and I even wouldn't care if they died tomorrow. Akane was my biggest obstacle because Ranma appeared oddly loyal to the ugly man-girl that she was. Ranma had defeated me in a fight. I had no choice - I had to marry him and for Akane to not understand or respect tradition was beyond infuriating. Still… regardless of my honor and all of who I believed I was - which is a ruthless martial artist who will do anything to be strong and fulfill the wishes of my people - felt… sympathy for the ratty girl. I was disgusted with myself. To sympathize with the enemy was a grave mistake. Any self-respecting martial artist knew that and yet… it seeped into me like a disease.

"Shampoo, we have a delivery!" I heard my grandma yell. I was glad to have something to do - even if it wasn't incredibly distracting it was better than nothing. I got on my bike and began my ride. Ugly thoughts kept leaking its way into the forefront of my mind though. I heard later through the grapevine that Akane had been in a martial artist battle and that she had been gravely wounded. I must admit that her honor in trying to handle it all herself was not a thing to scoff at. That it was because of that wound that she had passed out in front of me. Whatever the wound had been though it spread like wildfire through the community that it had been very gruesome. Akane had infected me with some curiosity about her situation. I often found it mildly difficult to communicate with the people around me because my Japanese was not up to snuff. I understood what people were saying, but I only ever really had the more basic phrases down. I wasn't a moron - even though I know that my fiance rivals appeared to look at me as a dangerous airhead because of it. If they spoke Chinese they would be well aware that my intelligence was likely twice what theirs was. I didn't care all that much though because all that really mattered was getting Ranma and he was more of a simpleton. I felt my seduction would usually have been enough to capture him in my web, but for some reason, he began to gravitate more towards Akane and her manly wiles.

I looked over to my left searching for my delivery stop when I saw….Akane…..sitting by the stream. I stopped my bike and stared down at her - she was facing the other way - she wouldn't have noticed me yet. I set my bike against the guardrail - momentarily forgetting about my delivery. I found myself heading straight for her… What the hell am I doing?! "Ni hao Akane" I hear the words tentatively slip out of my mouth. I feel a deep nervousness and anxiety sloshing around in my stomach. I feel my mind imagine her turning around and her facial expression contorting into one of severe and frightened pain. Just the image in my mind makes goosebumps rise on all my arms and make me take a step back from Akane. When she turns around though her face is a mix of surprise and indifference.

"Hello Shampoo?" I hear her voice question. I know what I am doing is weird. She and I aren't friends - I truly have no idea why I am standing here and talking to her. "I….just wanted to see how….you were doing Akane?" The words slide out of my mouth anxiously as though I am an underage drinker trying to pass off as someone older. "I am okay. How are you doing?" The way she dodged my question just furthered my self suspicions as to what my actual motive was in doing this. "I am well...I am out on delivery. Where's Ranma?" The awkward nature of the conversation was too much for me to bare and it would make much more sense for me to be talking to her if I was inquiring about Ranma's location...right? That's my reasoning...right? She answers simply "I am not sure where he is." I turn to walk away, but something takes over me and I turn back around put my hand on Akane's shoulder. Then alien words come from my mouth "If you need anything Akane - anything at all - I can help you. My grandma knows herbs, legends, spells - you name it she has something that can ease whatever it is you're going through. Akane faces me and her face shows nothing but the deepest distrust. Not that I could really blame her after all I have done to her. I quickly follow it up with "I really mean it." and she quickly responds with "I'll think on that offer."

I go back to my bike to finish my delivery and recognize to myself that she probably will not take up my offer. Maybe I could take it into my own hands? I know my grandma's ancient knowledge of healing herbs is better than most doctor's medicine today. I could sneak it to her just to ease my conscience that I will never ever have to see her sickening face look like it's about to fall apart ever again. There is also a possibility that I could rope Ranma into my plan and he could see me as a more caring person because sometimes I think that the wedge between us is because my moral compass doesn't match his. It appeared as though this dilemma could turn out to be something I could use to my advantage.


	8. Chapter 8

Ukyo:

I open it up and at the top of the page, it reads "My Diary and Poems," at first I am shocked - Akane never seemed like the type to write - let alone write poetry. I can feel myself swallowing hard - I don't actually want to know what she has written about. It isn't just the guilt of invading her privacy that keeps me from turning the page - it's the fear of knowing her deepest feelings and the responsibility that carries. I could potentially find out more than just what it is that currently ails her. It could be information that I will forever have embedded in my mind - things I absolutely never wanted to know about her.

I feel my thoughts shift to Ranma and how worried he is about Akane. This was all my idea in the first place. Obviously, this is what I get for trying to help - I should know better than to stick my nose in other people's problems. I love Ranma so much. I just want to see him at ease - maybe it will be worth whatever I find out. With a heavy heart and uneasy hand - I turn the page.

-Akane's Diary-

Dear.. oh this is stupid… I have decided to try and keep a diary to try and get my thoughts under control. It feels like I can't escape them no matter how I try to get away. It doesn't matter if I run from them or crawl. They slither their way back to the forefront of my psyche. They maliciously burn away every positive emotion through their journey of defiling my spirit. Once the thoughts are there they feel as though they're going to bubble over like I am a boiling tea kettle. These painful messages from the darkness of a broken Akane cannot get out under any circumstances. They are the most private thoughts ever contained within my being. I will write of them to protect myself from having them escape my body in an alternative way.

I have been having terrible nightmares. I am so exhausted and despondent. Even though I am surrounded by people who love me - I feel completely and utterly alone. My soul has become obsessed with everything I have said and done wrong. My heart is tormented with all that I have lost and my skin is plagued with all the pain it has endured. It feels as though I deserve to suffer. It is as though I am standing at the side of a great river and everyone I love is on the other side. All they see is a tiny stream - they call to me telling me to cross over - but there's no way I can…. my eyes see something uncrossable. I wish I could stop my eyes from seeing anything at all.

My Poems:

 **No More**

"I wake up in the morning feeling like a wreck

Life is a rope slowly tightening around my neck

I have a picture-perfect family, I treasure them, I want to make them proud

But my weak soul and heart have been plowed

I march to the beat of the living

Life's motto: "Be confident and forgiving"

My heart cannot pardon him

I want to kill him, cut him up, limb by limb

How can I continue to live normally

When I can't even greet a single person warmly

When walking into a school classroom

There is a feeling of powerful gloom

My face begins burning and people are left to assume

So the people just stare

And I just stand wishing I wasn't there

The redness fills me with such dread

At those times I'd rather be dead

Fear runs my soul

I've lost all the control

It's like everyone can see

What the bad man did to me

Life is the playground of hell

Where the weakest of the weak say their farewell

Although no one starts off that weak

But once the bad ones see you're a special kind of unique

They'll begin to tear at your flaw

They're like rats as they begin to gnaw

Soon your personality begins to fall away

And you begin putting everyone at bay

So I beg through the night

And I lay there in my spite

Then comes the feeling of intense hate I just want to start over, like a blank slate

People are born so cruel

And society lets these people rule

I hear people say, try and enjoy your one life

Truthfully, I dream of slitting my throat with a knife

But instead, you wake up and put on a fake smile

And you get used to this certain lifestyle

When your alarm clock starts beeping

And you feel your heart start weeping

Then you begin to selfishly pray

that maybe, just maybe, you won't wake up the next day

You come home from a miserable day and you stare in the mirror

You see the ugly truth and things get a little bit clearer

You stand in silence and beg yourself to rethink

Still, you can't go back, so you take a step and let yourself sink."

Title: **Please Stop**

"The one trait that everyone saw in me was my strength

Now though, I want everyone at arm's length

You stole my might with every thrust

Because you couldn't control your lust

All that is left of me is a ghost

I can still hear each and every boast

Bragging about all the woman you've abused

Elatedly describing each and every bruise

I can still feel your feigned caress

I was nothing more than something to possess

You carved "mine" into my back

As though I was a prized plaque

You whispered to me that I was worthless

And now every day I fear you will resurface

To prove to me I am forever yours

I can only hope my soul endures

I desperately want to be free

My mind just won't let me be

Please, oh please, stop the dreams

I am so tired of hearing my screams

You have left this scar on me like a tattoo

I just don't know who I can turn to

I want a gun to blow through my brain

So I don't have to feel like I am going insane."

Writing is soothing - maybe I'll write again soon. This will be the end of my diary entry for today. I need to sleep.


End file.
